


Lean In

by geekbaits



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Episode: s03 Miracle Queen (The Battle of the Miraculous Part 2), F/M, Guardian Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Guardian Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Happy Ending, Identity Reveal, Miraculous Ladybug Love Square, Post-Episode: s03 Miracle Queen (The Battle of the Miraculous Part 2), S3 spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2020-12-20 18:04:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21060911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekbaits/pseuds/geekbaits
Summary: Ladybug becoming the new guardian wasn't something that she or Chat Noir planned. With Master Fu officially retired, the duo struggle juggling the changes with their superhero responsibilities, as well as the every day pains of being a teenager. Spoilers from season 3.





	1. Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty much if I'm creating a new story, that most likely means that I am S U F F E R I N G. Marinette's the best girl in the world and I'm just here to mainly yell about it.
> 
> Check out my tumblr @geek-baits if you wanna yell with me.

Marinette wakes up in a cold sweat, tears beading at the corners of her eyes, her heart pounding against her chest. For a moment, she forgets about where is, and only knows that she is alone.

Her bedroom is dimly lit, her walls now bare, and her heart gives a painful squeeze when she remembers that she’d taken down all of Adrien’s photos. A cardboard box filled to the brim with the discarded posters sat in the corner of her bedroom, reminding her once again of Fu’s letter.

She exhaled and pushed the thought to the back of her mind.

The clock on her wall read 3:56 AM.

Her parents should be already at work, and in a little while, Marinette would be expected to come downstairs like normal, eat her breakfast like normal, and go to school like a normal 14-year-old girl.

Only she wasn’t normal.

The black and red, polka-dotted egg tucked away in her bedside table was a reminder of just how _not normal _Marinette Dupain-Cheng was.

It was a reminder that she had to better than how she currently is.

It was a reminder that Marinette was ultimately the only power that stood in the way of her home falling to ruin.

That Marinette couldn’t afford any slip ups.

Anything else, and everyone that she loved would be in trouble.

She’d accepted these conditions long ago, but it didn’t make her feel any better about the situation. Vaguely, she wondered what Chat Noir would have done in her position.

She was suddenly struck with longing for her partner’s company.

She was so lonely.

Her breaths began to escape her in shallow puffs, her room beginning to close in on her. Her heart began to speed up even faster and she couldn’t keep up. Dizziness overtook the teen, pinning her to her place in her loft. A yell built up in the back of her throat, but she couldn’t will herself to make a sound.

A wave of nausea hit her, causing the girl to snap her mouth shut, squeezing tightly.

Marinette reached out to the empty space in front of her, greeted with only her fears of devastation, ruin, and the little dark butterflies that chased her in her nightmares every night.

They’d almost had her tonight had she not woken up.

Hot tears spilled over her eyes, dripping freely onto her duvet. Hastily, she tried to wipe the tears away, but the motion seemed like it wasn’t doing anything. Her breaths began to get louder, too loud for her quiet bedroom.

“Marinette?”

Tikki zipped up into view, alarm apparent in the little kwami’s eyes, “Oh no, Marinette!”

She pressed her little body against Marinette’s cheek, the warmth of her magic seeping into the young girl. The action seemed to do the trick, as Marinette’s dizziness and nausea quickly dissipated.

“Just breathe, Marinette,” Tikki instructed gently, “C’mon, breathe in and count to four—” Marinette obeyed.

Tikki patted her cheek, “You’re doing great! Now breathe out and count to four.”

Marinette exhaled and counted.

“One.”

Marinette Dupain-Cheng was Ladybug, one of Paris’ saviors and the new guardian of the miraculouses.

“Two.”

Marinette Dupain-Cheng was surrounded by friends and family who she loved dearly, and would do anything for.

“Three.”

Ladybug had a partner who she trusted wholeheartedly. Her best friend, who understood her better than most people.

“Four.”

She was still Marinette, she still had dreams and aspirations, and despite her newfound responsibilities, she still had the power to shape her own future.

“Good, Marinette!” Tikki smiled, “You did so good Marinette, I’m so proud of you!”

Marinette didn’t say anything, instead choosing to cup Tikki in her hands and hug her closely to her face. Quietly, Marinette practiced breathing, quieting her racing thoughts and banishing her anxieties back to the dark recesses of her mind.

At exactly 4:02 AM, Tikki watched Marinette fall back asleep. The kwami floated forward to press a kiss to her charge’s forehead, hoping to fight off any nightmares that could reappear within the next few hours.

In the early hours of the morning, Marinette drifted, dreaming of black kitty cats and the most beautiful melody she’d ever heard.


	2. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alya's the most supportive friend, Luka and Marinette are being cute, and Nino isn't entirely sure if Adrien's cool with this recent development.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your support and kind words! I'm going to be trying my hardest to adjust certain plotlines from the canon series, but to reiterate here: this is an imagining of how the Love Square will become canon come S4. I'm taking on a Steven Universe style of writing in which you have smaller chapters loop around to create a big storyline. Enjoy this chapter!

Marinette was uncharacteristically on time for school. With Tikki safely tucked away in her purse, the guardian began her short trek to school, fully feeling her exhaustion from earlier than morning settle into her bones.

“Marinette, you’re gonna have a great day today!” Tikki chirped happily.

Marinette smiled weakly down at her kwami and patted her head, silently thanking the little god for her encouragement. Had it not been for Tikki always helping Marinette and cheering her on, she had no idea where she’d be today.

Losing Fu had been hard for Marinette, but she couldn’t even imagine not having Tikki around in her life anymore.

Sure, her role as the new guardian wasn’t something that she’d asked for, but if it was going to keep her loved ones and little kwamis like Tikki safe, then that was the sacrifice that she was more than willing to make.

_If Master Fu could do it, then so can I_! Marinette told herself.

Most of her classmates were already gathered in the gym by the time Marinette had arrived. She spotted Alya in the corner of the room, seated next to Nino, but it already seemed like the redhead had seen Marinette.

In the blink of an eye, Alya was off her feet and across the gym, Nino quickly following his girlfriend.

“Marinette!” Alya greeted, wrapping her best friend up in a fierce hug, “You’re here!”

Marinette laughed and returned the hug, squeezing Alya tightly, “I said I’d be here, Al! I told you I’d help you redesign and Ladyblog, remember?”

“I know, I know!” Alya replied, hugging Marinette closer, “I…I just got worried! You haven’t been able to sleep very well the past few days.”

Marinette released Alya, peering up at her the girl. She sent Alya a tired smile, “Al, I’m okay. It’s just stress. I’m sure it’ll go away soon enough, but for now, I’m gonna need you to make sure I don’t crash in the middle of Miss Bustier’s class. She could very well give me detention at this point.”

Amused, Alya shook her head and threw her arm around Marinette’s shoulders, “Of course, girl. I’ll kick you if you start to snore.”

Marinette chuckled, “I appreciate that.”

Next to Tikki, Alya had been one of Marinette’s biggest sources of comfort. She’d rounded up their friends when Marinette told her the news of Adrien and Kagami, rushing over to Marinette’s house with snacks and movies in record time.

Marinette’s sleeping problems were just another issue her best friend jumped in to help her with, tearing through pages and pages of reports on alleviating sleeping issues. Marinette suspected that her friend would be ready to start a blog on the topic at any point now.

“Where’d Nino go?” Marinette asked, “I thought I saw him headed towards here when you came up to me.”

Alya glanced over her shoulder and rolled her eyes, “He’ll catch up soon enough, don’t you worry.”

The girl twisted Marinette away from the gym towards the classroom, determination apparent on her fierce features. Normally that only meant one thing.

“Hey, Alya! Marinette!”

Adrien had been particularly friendly with Marinette in the recent weeks, more than he usually was. The young model had jogged to catch up with the two friends. Marinette didn’t need to check to see that Kagami was tailing him closely with Nino.

Kagami wrapped her arms around Adrien’s arms, regarding Marinette quietly. Adrien didn’t seem to notice the gesture, his green eyes trained on Marinette, waiting for a response. Alya squeezed Marinette gently.

“Morning,” Marinette replied, “What’s going on?”

“Adrien and I were going to stop by your place during lunch,” Kagami explained slowly, “We just wanted to ask if you have any recommendations?”

If Kagami was trying to communicate anything to Marinette, Marinette wasn’t understanding. This recent development in her day to day life wasn’t something she had time to actually deal with, thanks to Hawkmoth. It took Marinette a few seconds to consider Kagami’s question before moving to open her mouth.

“Well, I—”

“—the menu changes every day,” Alya interrupted smoothly, “So, it’s probably better to ask Marinette’s parents. Do you even know what’s on the menu today?”

“I wasn’t really checking this morning,” Marinette admitted, “Sorry guys…”

“Oh, it’s okay, Marinette!” Adrien replied, smiling widely at the girl, “Maybe one day, we can all check it out? Together?”

Once upon a time, Marinette would have been far too excited to accept the offer. She would have stuttered out an answer before crying to Alya about how excited she was. Whether or not she’d speak properly with Adrien was something else completely; Marinette simply would have been happy to spend time with the boy.

Her chest gave a dull squeeze, but she willed herself to ignore it.

She couldn’t afford to deal with it.

She wasn’t equipped to handle it. 

She was grateful when Luka walked up to their group, his guitar in tow. Marinette could very clearly remember the melody Luka had written for her, its beautiful notes lulling her to sleep. She felt her cheeks heat up when Luka shot Marinette a warm smile, momentarily allowing the girl to forget herself.

“Hey, Marinette,” Luka greeted.

“Hi,” she breathed.

“I just wanted to ask if you wanted to grab something to eat around lunch?” he asked, “There’s this really cool spot I wanted to show you.”

“I’d really like that…” Marinette replied shyly.

Distantly, Marinette could sense Alya shaking with excitement, her arms still protectively wrapped around Marinette’s shoulders.

“Great!” Luka said, “Can I walk you to class?”

Marinette didn’t even need to give her answer, as Alya was already pushing the girl forward towards Juleka’s brother.

“Of course, you can!” Alya replied, “Go ahead, Marinette! We’ll catch up!”

Marinette shot Alya a look before walking back across the gym with Luka, their swinging arms just barely grazing each other.

\--

Alya squealed, throwing her arms around Nino and jumping up and down in excitement. Nino shook his head at his girlfriend’s silly antics.

“Alya—”

“He’s such a nice guy, Nino!” Alya said, “Marinette’s been having a bad few nights, and I just want someone to help her take her mind off things. She hasn’t told me this yet, but did you know what Luka wrote a _song_ for her? A _song_!” she sighed happily.

She let a joyous squeal before taking off in the direction of Rose and Juleka, more than ready to share the good news.

Nino beamed at his girlfriend before turning towards Adrien and Kagami, who had yet to say anything since Luka’s arrival.

“I’m glad she finally noticed that boy,” Kagami commented, “You could tell how much he liked her when we visited the band. Right, Adrien?”

Nino looked at Adrien, finding his best friend staring off in the direction Luka and Marinette walked. His normally crystal-clear green eyes were so expressive, but this look was the first that Nino hadn’t seen on his friend.

If Nino didn’t know any better, he’d say that Adrien looked almost concerned. About what, he could not say. Nino was willing to bet money that not even Adrien could sort out what he was currently feeling.

But the look was pretty clear on his face.

“Adrien?” Kagami asked again.

Adrien snapped out of his trance, and smiled gently down at Kagami, “I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I was saying it’s good that Luka and Marinette are getting closer,” she repeated.

Nino didn’t know if Adrien was aware of this, but he could whenever his best friend was lying about being happy. The boy had done it so often when talking about his father that Nino had the expression committed to memory, so he’d know when to tell Adrien to tell the truth.

“Oh yeah,” Adrien agreed, “…they seem good together.”

Nino wasn’t sure if it was his place to say something this time around. All he knew was that Adrien wasn’t being honest. 


	3. Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luka and Marinette go for lunch, and Marinette meets a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to rewrite a good chunk of my notes for this fic because Chat Blanc and Felix tripped me UP. Sigh. Anyway, thanks for your support! Catch me on my bullshit @geekbaits on tumblr.

The little café down the street from school was going to be Marinette’s new spot, she decided. She gazed on wonder at the greenery that seemed to explode from the walls. To Marinette’s right, Luka sat laughing at her awed expression. To her left, four cats were pawing at the cat wand dangling from the table.

“You never struck me as a cat person,” Marinette remarked.

Luka shrugged, “My mom loved to foster them when I was a kid, but now, the noise from our amps are too loud to keep cats around. So, I just hang around here every time I need my fix of cats. What about you?”

“Me?”

“Are you a cat person?”

A small, warm smiled curled up on Marinette’s face. She could only think of one cat in her life. He was a little silly, and got into all sorts of trouble, but he was still hers nonetheless. The smallest cat at the café, a brave black kitten with bright green eyes, leaped into Marinette’s lap, letting out a whiny meow.

_How fitting, _Marinette thought.

She ran her fingers through the cat’s fur, stopping briefly to ring the tiny bell on their collar. The kitten purred.

“Before, I would’ve said no,” she said to Luka, “But I’ve become quite fond of them in the past few months.”

She felt the dull ache in her chest again, reminding her that she missed Chat Noir terribly. Her thoughtful smile began to drop, and her eyes began to cloud over.

_It’s not like Chat is _gone, Marinette reasoned with herself, _He’s right _there. _He’s still your partner. _

_Even if he doesn’t love you anymore, _replied a small corner of her mind, the part that was becoming increasingly louder with every passing day. Marinette struggled to push the treacherous thoughts away.

_You’ve been down this road before, _she reminded herself, _You can’t be in love with Chat Noir. _

After all, Marinette had witnessed what their love story would be like.

_A little cat sits on the roof, all alone without his lady._

Marinette had been so afraid when she discovered Chat had been akumatized. Together, they’d defeated dozens of akumas in the past, but purifying Chat Blanc was one of the most difficult things she’d ever had to do.

She wasn’t entirely sure what led up to his akumatization, but she was certain of one thing: she’d rather suffer herself than allow Chat Noir to experience whatever pain he had to get akumatized in the first place.

And if that meant that she wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him, then so be it. After all, she wasn’t in love with him.

She was in love with Adrien.

And she let him go.

It was over, and that was it.

Her heart throbbed again.

The little cat in her lap noticed Marinette’s change in mood and gently pawed at her arm, meowing. Marinette softly smiled when he leaned down to lick her hands.

Luka beamed, “I think that one really likes you. I’ve been here dozens of times and I noticed that he’s too shy to approach the customers.”

Marinette peered down at the little kitten, who quietly observed her. She wondered where this kitten had been before the café brought him in. Was he cold and alone?

Did people treat him kindly?

Was he properly loved?

The cat shifted in Marinette’s lap, curling up and instantly falling asleep. She listened to his little bell as he moved, the jingling reminding Marinette more and more of her partner. Her eyes burned, and she knew that if she didn’t do something soon, she’d end up weeping in this café, in front of Luka.

“…Marinette?” Luka asked. He reached over, placing a warm hand over her clenched fist on the table. “Are you okay?”

She looked into Luka’s eyes, finding only warmth and concern towards her.

Luka had become a pillar of support lately, always willing to lend an ear or a shoulder, when she was upset and just needed to cry. It was embarrassing in the beginning, but after Luka reassured her that it was okay, and he wanted to be there, well…

“You can talk all about it,” Luka reminded her gently, “Or none of it, if that’s what you prefer. I’m here for you, Marinette.”

He tightened his grip on Marinette’s hand, “I’m _here _for _you_, Marinette,” he said again.

Anguish gave way to something else in the pit of Marinette’s stomach. It fluttered, soothing the pain that had lived with her since Master Fu left. Luka released her hand, reaching up to wipe away the lone tear that trailed down her cheek.

She was so stunned from the contact that she couldn’t even blush. Instead, a smile bloomed on Marinette’s face, prompting Luka to return the gesture. He leaned back in his chair, taking a sip from his glass of lemonade.

“When you smile, it inspires me to write more music,” he admitted.

Though they sat in the middle of a busy café, Luka’s quiet confession was the only thing Marinette could hear. The fluttering in her stomach became more prevalent, _demanding _for Marinette to do something.

This time, Marinette reached across the table, and took Luka’s hand in hers.

“I hope I can listen to it sometime,” Marinette whispered. “Will you play for me, Luka?”

Wordlessly, Luka released Marinette’s hand, and reached for his guitar in the neighboring chair. Expertly, his fingers began to strum along the six-string, and the most beautiful notes filled the café.

Marinette closed her eyes and listened to Luka’s composition, feeling at peace.

The little black cat nuzzled closer against Marinette, his soft purrs attracting Marinette’s attention once more. She stroke the kitten gently before turning back to Luka, who was still playing. He raised his brows, silently encouraging her to speak.

“Would it be crazy if I adopted this cat right now?”


	4. Time Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien's trying to live his best life and go on double dates, but his magical destiny calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your positive comments on this fic!

Adrien knew deep down that he wasn’t in love with Kagami, but he also could see himself with her. Kagami was one of the loveliest people he’d had the pleasure of meeting and, by some miracle, she found something in him that was worth loving.

He was honored.

“That was a rough practice,” Kagami remarked, removing her mask. “Should we go grab some ice cream?”

“I’d like that,” Adrien replied with a sunny smile.

He offered the girl his hand, pleased when a pretty pink blush bloomed across her cheeks. In a motion uncharacteristic for Kagami, she gently accepted his hand, holding onto it firmly. A shy smile curled up onto Kagami’s face and Adrien could feel a fluttering in his stomach.

“Let’s go.”

The past few weeks had been a whirlwind for Adrien, to say the least. Master Fu had surrendered his rights as Guardian to Ladybug, thereby losing his memory. Ladybug had taken up the mantle of the new Guardian, performing her role as well as he knew that Ladybug was capable of.

Ladybug was the best person for the job.

She was simply the best person that Adrien knew.

Which is why letting her go was one of the hardest things that Adrien had to do. Even here, with Kagami’s hand in his own, his heart still beat for his Lady.

He cursed the effect she had on him, but he was doing his best to move on.

He wasn’t entirely sure how Kagami came to like someone like him, but he’s glad that she’d made her feelings known. Adrien glanced over at the girl, who seemed to be quietly enjoying their afternoon stroll. Fall was among them and the leaves had begun to change color, creating a dazzling red and orange foliage on the streets.

It was the perfect afternoon.

“Kagami,” Adrien said, “Why _do _you like me?”

He had to admit that even he was surprised by the forwardness of his own question, but he knew Kagami well. She didn’t like beating around the bush.

She didn’t even have to think long for an answer.

“Because,” she replied, “To me, you’re_ perfect_.”

She spoke with quiet reverence, and though Adrien was sure she meant well, he also couldn’t help but frown at the word. _Perfect_. A word, with millions of different meanings, used to describe Adrien. He knew it well.

His father made sure that he was well-associated with the word.

Adrien Agreste, the _perfect _son.

The _perfect _model.

The _perfect_ person.

He felt anything but.

Kagami didn’t take note of Adrien’s change in mood, continuing, “I enjoy your company, and, honestly, you’re the only person in my life who can understand the suffocating pressure our parents put on us. We aren’t like other kids at school”

Adrien wasn’t entirely sure what to say to that.

When they were a block and a half away from Andre’s cart, the pair ran into Nino and Alya, who were also out on a stroll.

“Hey dudes!” Nino greeted, grinning widely at Adrien and Kagami’s joined hands. “I see you’re out on a date?”

“Something like that,” Adrien replied. “We just wanted to get some ice cream from Andre’s.”

“Fencing practice was rough,” Kagami added. “We thought we’d treat ourselves to it.”

“Nice!” Nino replied, “That’s actually where Alya and I are headed right now.”

Adrien beamed at his best friend, an idea suddenly popping into his head. “Oh wow, do you guys want to go together with us? We’re all on the way after all…”

“That sounds good to me!” Nino agreed, “What about you Al?”

Adrien’s gaze slid over to Nino’s girlfriend, who was uncharacteristically quiet. In the back of Adrien’s head, he’d noted that she’d been somewhat more distant towards him in the passing weeks. She wasn’t outright _hostile _towards him, just more…removed. It was subtle, but enough for Adrien to take notice.

Had he done something wrong?

_So much for perfect, _a small voice in the back of his head sneered.

Alya quietly observed Adrien for a few moments, and then Kagami, who appeared to be scrutinizing Alya as well. After what seemed like forever, she nodded.

“That sounds fine.”

Together, the two couples headed down towards the cart by the edge of the Seine, with Nino and Adrien chatting the entire time. Adrien was glad he’d found Nino, who was able to fill up awkward silences with his jovial personality.

Andre was _just _in site when an explosion boomed from behind the four teens. Together, they whirled around, startled by the sudden noise. In the distance, Adrien could make out the shape of someone sprinting at them full speed.

“Is that Marinette?” Nino asked, squinting at the approaching figure.

“It is,” Alya replied. She cupped her hands around her mouth, and yelled after her best friend, “Marinette! Hey, Marinette!”

It was Marinette.

Adrien’s classmate slid to a stop before the couples, panting. Her cheeks were a bright pink and her hair was disheveled, no doubt as sign that she’d been running for quite a distance. In her arms, Adrien noted, was a little black kitten, wrapped in a thick scarf. He peered up at Adrien, his startlingly bright green eyes quietly observing the teen.

Alya’s voice cut through the still air, commanding Adrien’s attention.

“Where’s the fire, girl?” Alya asked, “What’s going—”

“There’s no time,” Marinette interrupted, “You all need to leave _now_. There’s an akuma coming, and I need to get my kitty to safety!”

Alya spluttered, “Your _what_?”

“I’ll tell you later!” Marinette yelled, taking off again at breakneck speeds, “Now, get going!”

Adrien watched Marinette sprint down the street and disappear around the corner. Despite the circumstances, he wondered if Marinette wanted to go out to eat ice cream with the rest of them. Maybe he’d ask her next time, after he defeated this akuma.

“Adrien,” Kagami said, “Should we go hide out somewhere?”

She looked at him expectantly. Nino and Alya were already running in the direction of the akuma, no doubt prepared to capture footage for the Ladyblog. Adrien looked into Kagami’s eyes for a moment before taking a breath and releasing her hand.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “There’s something I need to take care of. Like _desperately _need to take care of.”

He spun on his heel and ran in the direction of the akuma, calling to Kagami over his shoulder, “Please get home safe, Kagami!”

Adrien quickly transformed the second he found a secluded alleyway, emerging as Chat Noir. He scaled the side of a building, leaping gracefully onto the roof. Iridescent eyes scanned the skies, looking for signs of the akuma and Ladybug.

When he heard another explosion, he took off towards the sound.

“There you are, Chaton!” Ladybug greeted, “I was worried you wouldn’t show up.”

“And leave you here alone?” Chat Noir replied easily, “Not a chance.”

Despite Kagami’s earlier words, Adrien knew the only person on this planet who could understand what he was going through was Ladybug.

“You ready?” she asked.

Chat Noir grinned, “Let’s go save the world.”

She was his best friend.


	5. Vision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The akuma unveils some upsetting news to Chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try to update this frequently, mainly because there are some scenes I'm dying to write lol. Thanks for supporting this fic!

When Chat Noir and Ladybug found their akuma, they had immediately taken note of the chill that had swept through the heart of Paris. Many people were laying on the ground, curled around themselves. Some were inconsolable, sobbing uncontrollably on the pavement and others just sat unmoving.

“What happened here?” Chat asked, startled green eyes scanning the area. Ladybug didn’t reply. Her eyes narrowed and her fists clenched.

The tension in the air was palpable. Suffocating, almost.

The air was too still; Chat could’ve worn that they were locked in a vacuum. Nobody was moving, there were no cars on the street or birds in the sky. There was nothing, save for the cries of the anguished beneath them.

A deep rumble shook the ground.

In that moment, the sky darkened, and gray clouds began to swirl around the city. Another tremor shook the earth, and a sudden blast of wind of blew past the duo. Ladybug and Chat Noir dug their heels into the ground, standing strong against the violent wind gusts that began to pick up.

An angry howl cut through the wind, and the buildings around the two heroes began to creak and moan, the glass windows threatening to break any moment.

“Stay alert!” Ladybug called out to Chat.

Chat Noir carefully watched as the sky darkened until it was dark enough to be mistaken for nighttime. With no stars overhead to guide them due to the stormy clouds, the two waited for their target to arrive.

Chat could feel his heart rate pick up, sensing the impending danger that was headed their way. He willed himself to shake off the chilling sensation that caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up straight.

She arrived as another pained moan rode in on the wind.

The akuma emerged in the form of a willowy young woman, wrapped in a flowing dress the color of obsidian. Her face was hidden, obscured by a dark veil. Her long, ink-black hair danced in the wind, the effect visually stunning against her colorless skin. She was a lovely vision of black and white, night and day, life and death. In any other situation, she would’ve been thought of as hauntingly beautiful.

Maybe even heartbreakingly stunning.

If the distressed people were anything to go off of, Chat figured this woman must have recently experience a gut-wrenching heartbreak that transformed her into an akuma. Through the months, it appeared that the akumas who were the most beautiful were also the ones who were experiencing a pain like no other.

Chat wondered what happened that triggered such a lovely picture of destruction.

She barely hovered above the ground, the tips of her toes just grazing the surface of the floor. The akuma shifted her head, slowly turning it towards Ladybug and Chat.

Suddenly, the wind fell silent, and a dreadful stillness could be sensed in the air. It did nothing to quell Chat’s growing anxiety over this akuma.

“Hello Ladybug, Chat Noir,” she greeted. Her voice, in contrast to all the other akumas they’ve faced, was barely above a whisper. “I’ve come to claim your miraculouses.”

“Normally, people introduce themselves before making such requests,” Chat replied.

“My name doesn’t matter,” she dismissed.

She raised her arm, extending her hand towards the duo. Black-tipped fingers curled, displaying her dark claw-like fingertips.

“The Butterfly promised me that it would stop hurting,” she whispered, “that _I _would stop hurting if you gave me your miraculouses…”

“I don’t know what he told you,” Ladybug responded, her voice echoing across the rooftop, “But I can assure you that Hawkmoth has done nothing but lie and cheat to hurt people.”

“He’s not on your side,” Chat added.

“We’ll see…”

The akuma was by far one of the toughest opponents they had face. Cursed with the ability to extract one’s weakest moments through touch and project them for all to see, there had been plenty of close calls where she was mere _seconds _from grazing Chat Noir.

He cursed as his back hit a brick wall, realizing his mistake too late.

“Prepare yourself, Kitty Cat,” the akuma whispered.

She flew towards Chat, her darkened fingertips stretching out to graze him. He knew that there was no way to defend himself at the speed she was going and squeezed his eyes shut, preparing himself for impact.

“_Chat_!”

It happened so fast that Chat could barely register what was happening.

He felt something slam hard into him, blocking the akuma from her impending attack. He felt strong arms wrap around his waist, squeezing tightly just as the akuma arrived. Chat opened his eyes, surprised to see Ladybug wrapped protectively around Chat.

“L-Ladybug?” he stammered. She ignored him; her furious blue gaze focused solely on the akuma.

“Don’t you _touch _him!” Ladybug snarled at the akuma. “Get away from him right now!”

“I can sense your anguish,” the akuma murmured. She reached out, and Chat panicked as she drew closer, fighting to break free of Ladybug’s grasp. “The Butterfly can help you. He can help all of us, little bug.”

“_Get away_,” Ladybug hissed.

“No, _Ladybug what are you doing?_” he demanded. “Let go! She’s going to touch you!”

“He can fix _everything_,” the akuma promised. “Just as he promised to bring my love back to me, he will help heal your heart.”

Ladybug tightened her grip on Chat.

“Ladybug, _no_!” he yelled, “Please _don’t do this_!”

“I won’t let you hurt him,” Ladybug vowed, maintaining eye contact with the akuma as her fingertips gently brushed against her skin.

“_No_!”

The softest gasp escaped his lady’s lips, and he took that moment to break her hold. He grabbed her and jumped away from the akuma, landing on a neighboring rooftop. Panicked, Chat looked down at Ladybug.

“Why did you do that?” he demanded. “Why would you do something like that?”

Her pretty blue eyes, which had blazed with protective determination only moments before, revealed something that Chat had never seen before. He felt her go weak in his arms, and he cradled her gently, pressing his cheek to hers.

“It’ll be okay, Bug,” he said, “Just hang on…”

“Oh _my_,” the akuma said breathlessly, “It seems that I was right about Ladybug the entire time. I’ve never felt this kind of _anguish_ before. It’s positively _divine_!” she giggled to herself.

Chat narrowed his eyes at the akuma, “I don’t know what you did to her, but you will _never _touch her again.”

His grip on Ladybug tightened, “You will _never _hurt her again!”

“Don’t you see?” the akuma asked, “She’s been hurting the entire time.”

With a snap of her fingers, Chat felt a shift in the atmosphere. He blinked once, twice before reaching up to rub his eyes.

“Here,” she said, “Allow me to enlighten you, kitty cat.”

The view before him shimmered, taking him from the rooftop to a dimmed room.

Ladybug was gone, leaving Chat Noir alone in this unknown place.

He couldn’t see exactly where he was, only able to make out certain shapes and sounds. He could hear voices and strained to listen more closely. A clock to his right reads 3:56 AM. The only thing Chat can hear clearly are two voices, followed by a series of clangs from down below. He draws closer to the voices.

“I _can’t d_o this,” Ladybug cried. Chat couldn’t _see _her properly, but he knew it was her. She lay awake in her bed, furiously scrubbing her eyes with her fists.

Tikki flew up in front of her, nuzzling her cheek, “Yes, you can. _You _were chosen,” she reminded Ladybug.

“It was a _mistake_, Tikki,” Ladybug snapped, “Master Fu made a mistake when he _chose _me, and now he’s _gone_. He’s gone, and now I’m the guardian and I don’t even know what to do.”

Very rarely had Chat ever seen Ladybug in this state.

He was reminded of the frightened Ladybug who stood on her own two feet to directly confront Hawkmoth on their second day as superheroes. He remembered how unsure she was of herself, voicing her concern that there had been a mistake when she was chosen to be Ladybug.

Chat was there to help Ladybug, but this time, he wasn’t.

Even in the comforts of her own home, Ladybug was kept prisoner to her own fears and insecurities.

It broke his heart to know that his partner was up late at night, crying her eyes out. He reached out to comfort her, despite knowing that he couldn’t reach her.

It was one of the most frustrating things to experience.

“I just feel so _alone_,” Ladybug whispered.

“You’re not alone,” Tikki replied, “You have me and Chat! And your friends! So many people love you, M—”

“Am I always going to feel like this?” she interrupted. Chat could hear her breathing becoming heavier, escalating until she was fully hyperventilating. His eyes widened in alarm, understanding Ladybug’s condition. She was wheezing, her fists twisting into the duvet of her bed.

“Oh no!” Tikki cried, reaching over to cup Ladybug’s cheeks, “You gotta breathe. _C’mon and breathe with me_…” Tikki whispered in the dark room. “Breathe in and count to four…”

Together, Ladybug and Tikki counted until they faded into the darkness.

Everything around Chat shimmered again, and he was suddenly face to face with Ladybug in a desolate wasteland. The city was in ruins and submerged in water. He watched as Ladybug approached her target.

He turned, a gasp escaping from his lips when he spotted the akuma.

“Chat Noir, you don’t want to fight me,” she said gently, approaching what looked like him. “You want me to de-evilize you.”

Similar to the akuma he was currently fighting, this version of Chat Noir was hauntingly beautiful. His suit, once as dark as night, was now snow white. A stray tear escaped from pale blue eye, and Ladybug leaned forward to wipe it away.

“Save me…” he whispered.

“My poor Chaton,” Ladybug said.

A million thoughts ran through his head at once. When did this happen? _How _did it happen? Why? He felt sick as he watched his akumatized counterpart attack his Lady, not quite understanding how things came to this point. He would have remembered if he were akumatized at this point.

He didn’t _understand_!

His head was throbbing.

He’d _never _turn against Ladybug, so what happened here? He had a million questions for Ladybug, and he hadn’t a clue where she was.

He watched in horror as the akuma, who introduced himself as Chat Blanc, approached his Lady, his hands charged with the power of his Cataclysm. Ladybug backed away, fear evident in her eyes as Chat raised his hand to strike.

Chat yelled out for Ladybug the second the vision dispersed, bringing Chat back to the rooftop.

He fell over, panting, trying his hardest not vomit. Ladybug was by his side again, rubbing soothing circles into his back. In her hands lay her lucky charm, and the akuma’s cursed object: a simple diamond engagement ring. 

“Ladybug…” Chat gasped.

She smiled at him, fatigue evident in her face. Ladybug reached over and wiped away a loan tear that was trailing down his cheek. Chat hadn’t noticed that he’d been shedding tears during the entire ordeal with Chat Blanc.

“It’s okay now, Chaton,” Ladybug comforted quietly.

She stood up on wobbly legs, passing the de-akumatized victim. Chat observed how Ladybug was uncharacteristically disheveled, looking as if the fight had taken a lot more out of her than normal.

If those visions were anything to go by, Chat could bet that Ladybug was feeling a lot more exhausted than she actually let on. Ladybug brought her hand up to her face, rubbing at her eyes briefly before throwing her lucky charm into the air.

“_Miraculous Ladybug_!”

When she turned to face him, she grinned widely, extending her hand out for a customary fist bump. Chat’s heart ached at her smile, knowing that she had every reason not to.

Gently, he bumped his fist against hers.

“Pound it!” For the first time since becoming Chat Noir, Chat felt a heavy weight dropped onto his shoulders.

He wondered if this was how Ladybug felt all the time.


	6. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug and Chat Noir get into an argument, and Adrien has some weird dreams.

"Ladybug…"

Chat wasn't entirely sure where to begin. The citizens below were already back up on their feet and going about their day. Some were even raising their cell phones to take photos and videos of their saviors. Ladybug waved to the crowd before walking towards Chat.

"Good job today, Chaton," she praised. She smiled at him, but Chat could see that it didn't touch her eyes. She looked worse for wear. She looked _tired_.

He could see the exhaustion in her blue eyes and wondered when the last time she had a good night's sleep. Strands of her ink-black hair was falling from her pigtails, brushing against her collarbone.

Ladybug was just barely holding herself together. He knew that the akuma had extracted some of her worst memories and the wounds were still fresh.

"That akuma was a tough one," she casually remarked, throwing her hands onto her hips. "Hopefully, she'll be able to work things out with her fiancé…"

Chat didn't answer, and she tilted her head quizzically, silently asking him a question.

Chat felt a lump in his throat and swallowed. So many questions whirled in his head until he felt dizzy. _What _did he just see? Why didn't she tell him about it? _How _did he get akumatized? Was that vision even real?

Why did she sacrifice herself for him?

Her actions were so uncharacteristically reckless that he had to address it.

"Ladybug," he said, "why would you throw yourself between me and the akuma?"

"What do you mean?" Ladybug replied, "She was coming towards you and you were _wide _open. I couldn't just let her get you."

"Well she got _you _instead," Chat countered. "She _hurt _you, and it wasn't a risk you should've taken."

She furrowed her brow.

"It wasn't a _risk _I should've taken?" she parroted. "Chat, she was going to hurt you—"

"Even so!" Chat interrupted, his voice growing louder as he became more frustrated with her stubbornness, "Even so, _you _are always the priority—"

"We're a _team_!" Ladybug argued back, "We're Ladybug _and _Chat Noir. You're my _partner_, not my sidekick—"

"And _you're _the only one who can _cleanse the akuma_!" Chat cried. He reached out and gripped her shoulders firmly, shaking her, "Don't you get it? If _you _get taken out or akumatized, then it's game over!"

"You don't think I know that Chat?!" Ladybug snapped, her voice now at full volume. Her eyes blazed with anger and something else Chat couldn't quite place. "If _I _get taken out, we're done for. Yes, I _know _that already because _everybody reminds me of it every waking minute of the day_!"

She backed out of Chat's grip, "You're _just _as important, Chat. Without you…" Chat was horrified to see a tear slipping down her cheek. Ladybug hastily spun around and wiped her face.

He'd made her _cry_!

Speechless, Chat reached out for Ladybug, stopping abruptly when she spoke next.

"Without you," she repeated, "we can't win either."

Chat didn't reply, and Ladybug took it as her cue to leave. Tossing her yo-yo, she flew from the roof, disappearing behind a cluster of buildings, the telltale sound of her bandalore disappearing into the bustling afternoon scene.

Chat didn't know what to say.

Everybody knew that Ladybug's cure was what saved the day. She needed to be around to purify the akuma. He'd even _been _in Ladybug's shoes before and has purified an akuma. He _knew _what it was like, and he was positive that he wouldn't have been able to perform the job had he been given Ladybug's earrings.

He wasn't sure what to make of her comments; however, all he knew was that he was missing out on something _big _and he'd also made Ladybug _cry_.

Chat gritted his teeth and ran his clawed fingers through his messy blonde hair.

"Way to go, Adrien…" he muttered to himself.

Chat was home in record time, detransformed and in his computer chair _seconds _before Nathalie came in to wish him good night. Plagg stayed hidden until Adrien's door was shut.

"I _know _you saw what the akuma showed me," Adrien said to Plagg.

The kwami shrugged, throwing another piece of camembert into his open mouth.

"That akuma had some freaky powers," Plagg replied, "I wouldn't worry too much about it. Besides, you guys already beat her, so why dwell on the past?"

"Plagg," Adrien rubbed his temples, "those _couldn't _have been fake, because those memories were _pulled _from Ladybug. I saw what she looked like after she purified the akuma and…" he paused, feeling shame wash over him, "…and _I _also made her cry…"

He winced at the memory of Ladybug turning away from Chat, wiping at her face after yelling at him.

Plagg chuckled, "_Oho_! A fight?" he flew up to Adrien's face, "I knew you were trying to get over here, but I didn't think you'd actually get in a _fight_ with her."

"That's something different!" Adrien insisted impatiently. "That has nothing to do with what I saw."

"And what did you see?" Plagg asked.

Adrien paused for a moment.

What did he see?

He furrowed his brows in concentration, summoning his memories to the forefront of his mind. So many questions and not enough answers. He didn't understand the context behind any of those visions, all he knew was that Ladybug needed him.

"I saw that Ladybug was in pain," Adrien answered quietly. "She's been in pain since she's gotten the Miracle box, and she doesn't have anybody to talk to."

"Why not you?" Plagg asked, "Just talk to her."

Adrien sighed, "I'll try when she isn't mad at me anymore…but until then…" he pushed the thoughts of the akumatized Chat Noir—_himself_—to the back of his mind.

To his side, his phone gave a quiet chime, and Adrien lifted it to his face, reading the newest text message.

**Kagami: ** _It's a shame we weren't able to get that ice cream. Maybe next time?_

Smiling softly to himself, he quickly texted back a confirmation before rolling over and falling asleep. With all that happened today, Adrien wanted nothing more than to fall asleep until he could make sense of everything.

He drifted.

_"You're wonderful, Adrien," Kagami said to him. "You're _perfect._"_

_Kagami's hand was warm in his. She shyly peeked up at Adrien, and he in turn beamed down at the girl._

_"Thank you, Kagami," he answered back softly._

_She squeezed his hand._

_Together, the pair entered the school, where all of Adrien's friends were waiting. He exchanged greetings with all his classmates._

_He stopped to give Nino a fist bump and complimented Alya on her latest article._

_He told Juleka, Ivan and Rose that their newest song was awesome, and he couldn't _wait _to record with them._

_He told Mylene that he picked up a button from his latest travels for her to add to her collection._

_Nathaniel was kind enough to briefly show Adrien his newest panel for his upcoming comic books. Alix stood nearby, giving Adrien a pat on the back as he passed._

_Max and Kim demanded that all the guys get together for another hangout, to which Adrien happily agreed._

_He received a hug from Chloe, and Sabrina was also there to witness the interaction. Adrien even acknowledged Lila, though he did not go near her._

_Adrien was _so _happy. With his friends around him and Kagami's hand in his, he thought to himself, 'Maybe this is perfection…'_

_He took another glance around the room, his smile slowly slipping from his face when he noted something was off. He couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something important that was supposed to be here._

_He raised his hand to scratch his head in confusion, and immediately caught the flash of color that passed over his line of sight._

_'When did this even get here?'_

_Clenched tightly in his fist was his lucky charm. It was a simple thing: a string connecting green and pink beads, but it was important to him. It made him feel better._

_It made him feel like he wasn't so alone._

_"Adrien?"_

_It made him feel like he could take on anything._

_Kagami's golden brown eyes bore into his own, "What's wrong Adrien?"_

_It made him feel like he was safe to be himself._

_He looked at Kagami for a long second, asking himself the very same question._

_Yes, what _was _wrong?_

_He held his charm up to his line of sight, eyeing it carefully. _Where _had this come from? Adrien turned to look at Kagami again, drawing back immediately when he noticed that Kagami's warm brown eyes were now the color of bluebells._

_Blue eyes peered sadly at him, and Adrien felt as if he had been struck._

_"Where's Marinette?"_

_Suddenly, he could feel himself falling forward._

_He expected to fall to the ground, instead falling towards those beautiful blue eyes. He fell down, down, down until he hit water. He floated deeper, not quite understanding where he was or what he was doing._

_Bubbles swirled around him, obscuring his vision for the briefest moment._

_He swam up towards the surface, gasping deeply when he came up. He looked around him, his heart dropping into his stomach when he recognized the scene. Though he hadn't been there in person, it was hard to forget Paris when it was in ruins._

_Adrien swam towards an overturned bus, lifting himself onto the roof. For miles, he couldn't see any sign of life. The only thing around him were destroyed buildings and floating debris. He lifted his hands to his face to brush back his bangs, stopping abruptly when he noticed that he was no longer dressed as Adrien Agreste._

_"Buginette!"_

_'Oh no…'_

_"Bugaboo, I'm coming for you!"_

_He was Ladybug._

_He ran across the bus, passing in front of a skyscraper. His reflection in the windows confirmed his suspicions. There, starting back at him with wild eyes was none other than Ladybug._

_"What…" Adrien began, jolting when Ladybug's voice came out, "…what is going _on_?"_

_"I'll tell you," replied a voice that was horrifyingly familiar, "you're going to give me your Miraculous so I can fix _everything_."_

_Chat Blanc grinned menacingly down at Adrien, who swallowed thickly. His akumatized counterpart was _terrifying_. He was covered head to toe in white, save for his eyes, which revealed an icy blue stare that seemed to pass through Adrien._

_Perhaps the most terrifying thing about Chat Blanc was that Adrien hardly recognized any pieces of himself in this akuma._

_He shuddered._

_"C-Chat," Adrien stammered, "What happened? You need to tell me what happened."_

_"You really don't know?" Chat asked. He narrowed his eyes at Adrien, "You _really _don't know, _Ladybug_?"_

_"No!" Adrien yelled, "I _don't_! So tell me what caused this all to happen_!"

_Chat Blanc chuckled, shaking his head at Adrien. He stretched out his arms to the sky, and yelled, "Our _love _did all of his, Bugaboo."_

_He activated his cataclysm and walked towards Adrien._

_"And Hawkmoth found out about us."_

_Adrien squeezed his eyes shut and raised his arms to protect himself against the blow, but nothing came. Three beats passed and he opened his eyes to another dimmed bedroom. He could hear muffled sobs and carefully began to walk towards the noise._

_Ladybug was alone, in the middle of the room, her cries the only audible sound around Adrien._

_"Ladybug?" he asked._

_"Chat?" Ladybug replied._

_She'd been crying. When she stopped, she peered up at Adrien. Her bottom lip began to quiver, and her eyes began to water. She threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his waist tightly. Adrien didn't hesitate to hold her, pressing his cheek to her crown._

_"What's wrong, Ladybug?" he asked, "Why are you crying?"_

_She mumbled something incoherent against Adrien's chest, and Adrien gently gripped her arms, pulling her from his chest._

_"…Bugaboo," he breathed, "I can't hear you when you hide your face like that. Can you tell me what's wrong?"_

_She sniffled, and hugged him again._

_"I'm just so _tired_, Chat," she murmured. "I'm tired of the responsibilities, I'm tired of always having to worry about everything. I'm tired of having to be _perfect_."_

_Adrien understood her perfectly. He squeezed her tightly, feeling her tears seep through his t-shirt._

_"You don't have to be perfect," Adrien said gently, "You can just be yourself."_

_"No, Chat," Ladybug shook her head, "I can't _afford _to be myself. Not while Hawkmoth is still around."_

_Adrien didn't reply._

_"And now I'm the guardian!" she cried again, "I don't know how to be a perfect Ladybug, much less a _guardian_. What do I do?"_

_The weight he felt earlier that afternoon reemerged, making its new home on Adrien's shoulders. He wasn't an _amazing _feeling, but Adrien knew that if it meant Ladybug was less stressed, then he would gladly step up._

_He was, after all, her partner._

_Adrien brushed his lips against Ladybug's temples and rubbed her back soothingly._

_"You can rely on me," Adrien whispered into her ear. "We can rely on each other."_

The sun wasn't up when Adrien's eyes opened. The clock on his bedside table read 5:11am, indicating he had less than an hour before Nathalie came to wake him. He stretched and threw his legs off the side of the bed, sitting up.

Plagg lay snoring on his other pillow.

Adrien could remember nearly every detail of his dream, which he considered unusual since he was rarely able to recall his dreams. It all seemed so _real _to him. How much of it was real? Adrien wasn't entirely sure, but he was sure of one thing.

Ladybug wasn't doing well.

If the dream wasn't an indicator, then the argument they had gotten into should have been enough. Ladybug was the new guardian, and she wasn't adjusting well to the change. His heart throbbed at the idea of his lady—of Ladybug struggling alone, without him.

He frowned.

Ladybug had so many fears and insecurities, like him, and chose to face all of them. He knew that deep down, she was just as scared as he was. He knew that she was just as insecure as he was.

Ladybug was expected to be _perfect_.

She had to save the day. She had to purify the akumas, and cast the Miraculous cure. Adrien had been well aware of the responsibilities that came along with being Ladybug, but what about her _civilian _form?

_"I can't _afford _to be myself."_

She was trapped.

Trapped in these unrealistic expectations imposed by _everyone_, himself included, he noted with chagrin.

Ladybug was supposed to be flawless, so where did that leave her secret identity?

Who was she supposed to be behind the mask?

And alternatively, who was _Adrien _supposed to be behind the mask? He twisted his ring around his finger. The Cat miraculous, the very stone that granted him freedom from his life as Adrien Agreste. As Chat Noir, he could be _whoever _he wanted to be.

But how real was it?

Adrien was too afraid to answer.

_"You're perfect," _Kagami's words echoed in his mind. To anybody who didn't really pay attention to how much _effort _he was investing in his image, then perhaps Adrien was perfection. But he knew it wasn't him.

If Ladybug couldn't be herself, and Adrien couldn't be himself, then who was he supposed to be?

He couldn't answer.

And that was the worst part of it.


	7. Catalyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one time Marinette doesn't want to be around Adrien, the Universe decides to flip her the bird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was this whole giant section planned in my notes but I decided to save it for next chapter lol. What are our thoughts on Chloe?

"Good morning, Kitty Cat," Marinette cooed, scooping her newly adopted kitten up into her arms. His large green eyes blinked at Marinette twice, before he shook his head and mewed. Marinette pressed a kiss to the kitten's head and carried him over to her sewing station, where she threw herself in her pink swivel chair.

"Good morning, Master Marinette," Wayzz greeted, "I hope you slept well last night?"

"It's getting better," Marinette replied, "And please, Wayzz, you just can call me Marinette."

She wasn't anywhere near ready for someone to refer to her as _Master_. It was still difficult to wrap her head around being a guardian.

Last night wasn't too bad for Marinette, save for the fact that she had her worst moments broadcasted live for Chat Noir to see, which ended up in a shouting match. Her head throbbed, no doubt due to all the crying she'd been doing.

The Miracle box was well hidden in Marinette's bedroom, locked away in her bedside table. She cursed the fact that it was so noticeable, but until she came up with an alternative, the bedside table would have to do. She hadn't touched the box since she first received it, only using it once to release Wayzz from his miraculous.

His bracelet took the form of a woven pink band wrapped around Marinette's wrist.

Until she was more comfortable with the role of guardian, Wayzz would be sticking around, though Tikki was thrilled at the additional company.

"Wayzz," Marinette began, "Do you think the Order of the Guardians are going to come for the Miracle box?"

It'd been a question that had weighed heavily on her mind.

"Why would you think that, Marinette?" Tikki asked.

"My cure revived the temple," Marinette explained, "Those guardians are back. The grimoire's gone, the translations are gone, and I don't have a teacher. I'm pretty much a magical sitting duck."

"Nonsense!" Tikki dismissed, "You're _Ladybug_."

"And I still don't have a teacher," Marinette added, "I can't make a mistake and risk losing the box to Hawkmoth again."

Ladybug and Chat Noir were all the world had. If they had a repeat of last time…Marinette didn't even want to _think _about the outcome. The kitten seemed to take note of Marinette's mood, and leaned down to lick her fingers. He meowed at her, and Marinette smiled softly down at him.

"He seems to have faith in you," Wayzz pointed out.

"He's a cat," Marinette replied, "I'm his _maman_, he's supposed to behave this way."

"Well, either way, we'll figure it out," Wayzz said, "I think you'll do a great job. You and Chat Noir have been doing excellent, so I have no doubts that you will continue to grow."

Marinette rocked her little black kitten in her arms and thought about another black cat in her life. She shouldn't have yelled at him like that, even if she didn't think she was wrong. Marinette sighed and pressed her face into the kitten's soft fur.

"Are you going to talk to Chat?" Tikki asked softly.

"I should…"

She didn't know what to say to him. He can't sacrifice himself anymore than she can because if _he _is taken by Hawkmoth, then the world will cease to exist. She'd seen it happen herself. A white cat with pained icy blue eyes flashed across her memories, and Marinette bit her lip. She knew Chat deserved the truth.

"Chat…he deserves the truth," Marinette said slowly, "But I don't even know where to begin! There's so _much_…"

Marinette wondered exactly what Master Fu's thought process was when he decided to keep Chat in the dark about most of this Miraculous business.

The longer she spent as guardian, the less sense it made to her.

She wanted to just let Chat in, but it was just so hard for her to take that first step.

Tikki, recognizing Marinette's facial expressions at this point, floated up towards her charge. She patted Marinette's head and gave her a sympathetic smile.

"You can start by apologizing for yelling at him," Tikki suggested, "I know you didn't mean to shout."

Marinette nodded.

"It's a start, and Chat deserves to hear it."

Though Marinette _was _in fact feeling better, that didn't negate the fact that a.) she was perpetually _exhausted_, b.) her eyes were most likely swollen from all the crying she's done and c.) she didn't have the mental capacity to deal with school. She thought to take a mental health day, but decided against it in the end, as her calendar indicated that Miss Bustier was assigning a big project today.

She didn't want to play catch up when the project was worth 65% of her grade that semester.

Marinette thanked the universe that she literally lived across the street from school, as she could just trudge over the crosswalk and into the building within two minutes. Alya was waiting for Marinette at the entrance.

"Hey, girl," Alya greeted softly, wrapping her arms around Marinette's shoulders. "Did you get any sleep? You look so _tired_!"

"Only a few hours," Marinette answered honestly, "But I'll be okay. This isn't the first time I've pulled an all-nighter."

Both girls knew Marinette's implication. She reminded herself to donate the chest of gifts she'd painstakingly made for Adrien later on.

Alya had been Marinette's rock since Miracle Queen, flying to her house at once after hearing the news of Kagami and Adrien.

Marinette had been holed up in her bed, tears streaming down her face, but not for any reason that Alya was aware of.

Nevertheless, she welcomed Alya's comfort, wrapping her arms around her best friend as if she were trying to squeeze the pain into nonexistence. Alya had become rather protective of Marinette, always making sure to distract her if Adrien walked in.

Alya frowned, and Marinette could see sympathy in her friend's hazel eyes.

"What's wrong, Alya?" Marinette asked.

Alya shook her head, and leaned in to hug Marinette.

"You're just really awesome, M."

Over Alya's shoulder, Marinette noticed Adrien entering the school building, accompanied by Kagami. The pair were conversing, all smiles and sunshine. She wondered what it'd be like to just live in your own bubble, completely wrapped up in your own happiness without a care in the world.

Above everything else that she was feeling, Marinette was envious of the _normalcy _of the situation.

They were just two people who liked each other.

The throbbing in her heart had dulled considerably over the past few weeks, but Marinette knew very well that it was in part due to her own exhaustion.

The Marinette of today still loved Adrien as much as she did yesterday and the day before and the day before, but he was happy with Kagami. And Kagami was her friend too.

Even if the girl hadn't so much as spoken a _word _to Marinette since she and Adrien began hanging out. Marinette didn't want to pretend that it didn't bother her, especially because Kagami was always talking to her about confessing to Adrien.

A smaller, more bitter part of Marinette remembered Kagami's words to Ladybug, sharing that if being with Adrien meant losing Marinette's friendship, then she'd do it. Kagami's admission had hurt Marinette, though Marinette was in no position to confront Kagami on it.

What could she possibly say?

Marinette was her first friend and Adrien was most likely her first love. She could hardly fault Kagami for feeling the way she did.

Marinette shook her head.

'_It's not like I can afford to sort out _these _feelings_,' Marinette thought, '_I still have to deal with Chat Noir later today…we're doing baby steps.'_

"Marinette?" Alya called.

Alya glanced over towards Adrien and Kagami, her brow furrowed. Marinette wasn't sure what Alya was thinking because as quickly as the expression came, it left. She turned towards her best friend, determination blazing in her eyes.

"Alya?" Marinette asked.

"Let's go to class," Alya grabbed Marinette's arm and pulled her towards homeroom, passing by Adrien and Kagami as she did so.

"_Oh_, and you _still _haven't dished on your kitten!" Alya cried, "I want _details_! What's their name and when can I see them?" Marinette stumbled over her feet, barely noticing Adrien happily greeting her as she passed. Kagami didn't say anything, pointedly turning away from Marinette as she approached.

The classroom had resumed _some _sort of normalcy in the weeks following Fu's departure. The only person really missing was Chloe, who had decided to take refuge in New York. Miss Bustier didn't mention when she would be returning, though everyone in the classroom was well aware of the news.

It was hard to not see the headlines.

Andre Bourgeois was in legal trouble, not just with the French government, but also the United Nations. He was primarily criticized for failing to bring Hawkmoth to justice, as well as raising a 14-year-old so spoiled that she willingly worked for a terrorist.

Even Marinette's classmates were quite harsh weighing in on the issue.

As for Marinette, she still couldn't understand why Chloe did what she did. After all, there was a stark difference between being a spoiled brat and working for a terrorist. And as awful as Chloe was sometimes, Marinette knew that she was no criminal.

She slid into her seat and rested her chin on her hands, waiting for class to begin.

Nino and Adrien entered the classroom together, noisily chattering all the way to their seats. They turned towards the girls, and Nino looked at Alya.

"Alya, you wanna try the double date after school today?" he asked excitedly, "We were thinking since an akuma attacked last time—" Marinette shuddered at the memory of the akuma's sharp fingertips grazing her cheek "—we could make it up or something. Kagami's already said yes!"

Adrien smiled widely and nodded enthusiastically, "She really wanted to go to Andre's again!"

Feeling like a fifth wheel, Marinette turned her head to the side, laying it on the desk away from Alya. She didn't want to pressure her best friend into not going on a double date with Adrien and Kagami, though she had a feeling that Alya would most likely make up some excuse as to not hurt Adrien's feelings.

"No."

Marinette thought she misheard Alya; she sat up slowly and turned to look at Alya.

She'd certainly seen her best friend angry quite a few times since they've known each other, but she'd never seen Alya looking downright furious. Alya's eyes blazed, and she looked at Adrien and Nino as if they were the two biggest idiots in the world.

"What?" Nino asked.

"Can I _talk to you for a second_?" she hissed. Nino shrugged and allowed Alya to drag him out of the classroom, leaving Adrien and Marinette alone. Marinette glanced at Adrien, who surprised her by looking _straight _at her. He looked at if he wanted to say something.

Marinette tilted her head.

Adrien opened his mouth, paused, and snapped it shut. His cheeks warmed and he lifted his hand to his golden locks, running his fingers through his hair. It was a gesture he did often whenever he was nervous, though Marinette didn't know why he was nervous.

"Are you okay, Adrien?" she asked quietly. The sentence left her mouth in one coherent piece, something that would've been a milestone for Marinette nearly a month ago.

"Yeah!" Adrien answered quickly, "I just realized I haven't seen much of you in a while…" his eyes shifted downwards towards his hands, "When we're here together, it's so glaringly obvious."

"Oh…" Marinette didn't know what to say to that.

She _didn't _want Adrien to give her hope, but it also didn't help that he spoke about her reverently or treated her as if she was a missing piece to his life. Contrary to what was said, she and Adrien weren't close friends.

It pained her to admit it, but it was true.

How could they be close friends, when he was rarely around her? His father made sure that his schedule was booked up, and he often had to cancel meet ups because of it. Adrien was the sweetest person Marinette knew, but he was also unreachable to her.

She could barely talk with him.

She never really had time to spend alone with him.

All of their scheduled meetings were cancelled or postponed.

So, how could he tell her this? Marinette was puzzled.

Luckily, she didn't have to give a reply, as Alya and Nino entered the classroom again. As they sat down, Nino gave Marinette an apologetic smile, and Alya shook her head at her boyfriend. He reached over and pat her wrist before turning to Adrien, and launching into a separate conversation.

Marinette looked at Alya, "What did you do?"

Alya was smug, "Nothing that you wouldn't do for me."

"You're crazy," Marinette huffed, "But, thanks for sticking up for me."

"We're best friends," Alya replied, "it's what we're supposed to do," she lowered her voice, "just between the two of us, I was about to fight _both _of them. I don't understand guys."

"Me neither."

Miss Bustier entered the classroom, ending all classroom chatter. She came in with a stack of papers that she dropped onto her desk, and happily greeted her students.

"Good morning, everybody."

"Good morning, Miss Bustier!"

"Today, I have wonderful news," she began, "In one month, our school will be hosting its own multicultural festival!"

She grabbed the stack of papers and began to pass them out, "Our students, faculty and staff come from many different places from around the globe, and we will be recognizing it on this day. The headmaster has requested our participation, and the staff agreed it'd be a wonderful idea to incorporate the festival in the classroom!"

She held up the paper.

"I will be pairing you all up, and you will be allowed to pick a country that you want to represent during the festival," she explained, "Pick an aspect of the culture that you like, whether it's the food, the music, the traditions, and create a presentation on it. We'll present during the festival, since it's during school hours. You can start your research for homework, and we'll begin preparations tomorrow."

The entire class burst in excitement, chatting among each other while Miss Bustier produced her clipboard.

"Now for the assignments," she announced.

"Ivan and Kim will be our first pair."

"Alya and Nathaniel."

"Max and Rose."

Miss Bustier continued to name the pairs, easily breezing through her list. Naturally, Marinette thought would be a good idea to conduct research on China, though she'd have to wait to see who her partner was first.

"And last but not least, Marinette and Adrien."

_Oh._

Adrien spun around in his seat to grin widely at Marinette, prompting her to give him a nervous smile. She barely registered the warmth of Alya's hand as she patted her friend on the back.

"You gonna be okay?" Alya asked.

"It'll be fine," Marinette replied, "We're just friends, anyway."

Maybe not super _close _friends, but they were still friends nonetheless.

This time around, it hurt a little less to say it.

When school let out for the day, Marinette made a beeline to her locker, feeling the day's stress weigh heavily on her eyes. She'd been thankful that Hawkmoth hadn't unleashed another akuma since yesterday, but also cursed the fact that she still had to talk to Chat.

It was days like this that she wished she had his phone number or something that she could track him down with. Marinette sighed and slammed her door shut, revealing a smiling Adrien. She yelped, jumping back a few steps.

"Hey Marinette!" Adrien chirped, "Did you want to start on the project today?"

Marinette blinked, suddenly remembering the assignment they'd received that morning.

"Oh!" Marinette gasped, "The project! Um, yeah we can do that," she took out her phone to shoot a quick text to her parents, "did you want to come to my house to do the research?"

Adrien nodded, "If you think we'd be more productive there. It's not too far from school, so I doubt my bodyguard or Nathalie will mind."

"Right," she adjusted her backpack on her shoulders, "Did you have a country that you wanted to research?" they began to walk towards the school doors.

"I don't have any in particular," Adrien admitted, opening the locker room door for Marinette, "what about you?"

Marinette shrugged, "I thought China would be cool. I never really had a chance to learn a lot about it from my mom, so I guess I'd have the opportunity. That is, if you want?" she tilted her head at Adrien.

He smiled, "That sounds like an awesome idea, Marinette!"

Her cheeks warmed, "I'm glad you feel that way. Should we get going now?"

In a move that was shockingly not unfamiliar to Marinette, Adrien bowed at the waist, "After you, my lady."

She hated the way her heart sped up at the familiar nickname.


	8. Leap of Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette and Adrien get started on their project and have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya girl had to rewrite her plans for this story 10+ times so I'm SORRY the update is late lol. Also happy holidays.

Adrien was excited to get started on the project. For starters, he’d been paired up with Marinette, probably one of the most talented people he knows, and he was happy they were able to pick China for the project. He knew how important it was to Marinette. 

The pair exited the locker room and headed for the exit. Luckily, Adrien had thought to text Nathalie beforehand, and she’d approved his visit to Marinette’s house. 

It wasn’t often that Adrien was able to spend time with a friend after school. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d hung out with Marinette. He glanced over at his partner, who was currently sending out a text message. 

Marinette chewed on her lip, her brows drawn together with worry. 

“Are you okay, Marinette?” he asked, startling the girl. She jolted, and quickly tucker her phone into her back pocket. She beamed unconvincingly at Adrien. 

“Of course!” she said, “Everything’s fine.”

He knew the look she had on her face very well. Lips downturned in a frown, furrowed brows, and unfocused bluebell eyes. It was so unusual seeing them without their usual lively spark. Then again, Marinette had appeared to look under the weather for the past few weeks.

It saddened him to see his friend look so tired and he wasn’t able to offer her any help, especially since she was telling him that she was okay. 

He thought of his dream, recalling with a start that all of his friends had made an appearance but Marinette. He could vividly remember the weight of her lucky charm in his hands, the bright pink and green beads and vibrant red thread connecting them catching his eye so easily. 

How was it possible that he forgot Marinette in his dream?

It was so hard to not notice her in his day to day life. The everyday Ladybug was a central pillar in the classroom, always going out of her way to help everybody else to the best of her ability. Marinette was resourceful and kind and clever and absolutely unbelievable. 

She was important. Not just to the classroom, but to Adrien. 

He glanced over at Marinette, taking in her appearance. She looked how she normally did, though her eyes revealed a fatigue that wasn’t unfamiliar to him. No, he’d seen the same look many times before on Ladybug’s face.

Ladybug, his best friend, who was currently trapped under the weight of her own responsibilities (who also wasn’t currently talking to him, Adrien noted sadly). He frowned. Was Ladybug also doing a project that was worth a hefty chunk of her grade? Was she eating well? Getting enough sleep? 

Was someone there to comfort her when she cried, which seemed to be often these days?

His heart gave a sharp pang, wanting more than anything for it to be him holding Ladybug, promising her everything would be alright. 

“Adrien?” he looked up to see Marinette starting back him, concern reflected in her blue eyes, “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine!” he said quickly, “Just thinking of some stuff…” 

Marinette paused, eyeing him carefully, “…you know…if you still wanted to go on your date with Kagami, you can,” she offered slowly, “We can always reschedule the project. Nino talked about how excited you were, and I don’t want you to—”

“No, it’s fine!” Adrien interrupted, mentally kicking himself for forgetting, “I can just tell Kagami, it’s fine. I never get to hang out with you anyway,” he reassured, flashing Marinette a smile. 

Her cheeks warmed, and she looked away, “You should probably go and tell her now,” Marinette said quietly, she backed away from Adrien and headed for the exit, “I’ll wait by the door.” 

Adrien watched Marinette as she walked away, wondering if the girl was sick. Her feet dragged across the floor and her shoulders slumped as she tiredly headed for the door. It was only a few moments later that Adrien spotted Luka approach Marinette. He spoke to her, and she gave him the softest look that made Adrien’s heart stutter the slightest bit.

Turning away from them, he headed towards Kagami, who he spotted across the courtyard. 

If he were being perfectly honest, he envied what Luka and Marinette had. They were just two people who had feelings for each other. There wasn’t anything complicated about it. No secret identities, no other crushes in the way-- 

Nothing unrequited.

Just pure, unadulterated love.

He wanted something like that. 

Kagami smiled at Adrien as he approached and adjusted her bag. “Are you ready?” 

He shifted, “I’m sorry Kagami, I’m going to have to postpone it. Marinette and I have to get started on this really big project and this is one of the only times I’ll be free long enough to make a dent in the workload.” 

“You’re working with Marinette?” she asked, her golden gaze falling on Marinette. 

“Yeah!” Adrien chirped excitedly, “We’re gonna be researching China. I’m so excited, Marinette’s an awesome partner, so we’re definitely gonna do well—” 

Kagami didn’t seem to be paying attention to what he was saying, instead focusing on his blue-eyed partner as she spoke to Luka, who was now accompanied by the rest of Kitty Section. Adrien couldn’t read the look that was on Kagami’s face, which was something that he’d become accustomed to. 

What he wasn’t used to, however, was the fact that she wasn’t telling him what was on her mind. He stopped, cocking his head curiously at Kagami. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. 

Kagami hesitated for a moment, another out-of-character thing for her to do. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before finally sighing to herself and asking, “Didn’t you want to work with your best friend for the project?”

Adrien blinked, “Nino?” 

She nodded, “Don’t you think you’d be suited working with someone you’re close friends with?” 

Adrien wasn’t sure where she was coming from. 

“We were assigned our partners,” Adrien explained carefully, still not understanding what Kagami was thinking, “And Nino’s working with someone else…Marinette’s a good friend, so I’m sure we’re gonna do some awesome work.” 

Kagami looked uncertain, and Adrien couldn’t understand. It was so unlike her.

“Trust me, she’s a really good person to have on your team!” Adrien insisted, waving his arms, “She’s creative and smart—” another dark-haired girl flashed through his mind, “—and she always knows what to do.” 

He glanced over at Marinette, who was now waving bye to Kitty Section. He smiled softly, waving at Marinette as she met his gaze. She waved back nervously. 

Kagami sighed, “Okay, I understand. Maybe next time.” 

Adrien grinned, “Thanks Kag—”

She spun on her heel and headed towards the door, passing Marinette without even sparing the girl a glance. Adrien took note of the hurt look that crossed his partner’s face and frowned. Were they not talking? 

Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen much of Marinette lately, and Kagami had always been by his side. He would have seen her if Kagami decided to hang out with Marinette. He wondered if they were in a fight…

Crossing the courtyard, he placed a hand onto Marinette’s shoulder.

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

Marinette nodded, though her eyes told a lot more than she was willing to share. 

“Yeah,” she reassured half-heartedly, “Let’s go…” 

The trip to Marinette’s house was short, as she only lived across the street from the school. Nevertheless, Adrien couldn’t help but be excited. The last time he spent time with Marinette was for the Ultra Mecha Strike III competition, and that was cut short because of Hawkmoth.

He hoped nothing would come up now.

Adrien loved his visits to the Dupain-Cheng bakery. Marinette’s home was warm and inviting. He was envious; he would have loved to grow up in a bakery. Marinette must’ve had a lot of fun growing up in such a loving environment. 

Her mother was at the register when they entered the bakery, smiling at the pair. She called out for Marinette’s father, who dashed out of the kitchen, beaming widely. 

“Hello again, Adrien!” they both chimed. 

“Hello!” he greeted. 

“We hear that you and Marinette are doing a project on China,” Sabine said. Adrien nodded enthusiastically, “We are! We wanted to start as soon as possible since it’s such a big chunk of our grade.” 

“You guys will do great!” Tom interjected, throwing an arm around is petite wife, “Cher, we haven’t been back to China since when? Two years ago?” 

Sabine nodded, “I’m going to have to call my sister about our next visit together. But if you two need any help at all, you can ask me!” 

“And,” Tom added, “If you knead any snacks from me, just call and I’ll be up faster than you can blink.”

Marinette narrowed her eyes at her father, “Was that supposed to be a pun?”

“Of course not!” Tom fibbed, kissing Marinette’s forehead. Adrien observed the scowl on Marinette’s face, feeling as if he’d seen this scene play out before. Why was this so familiar to him? 

“Don’t mind Marinette!” Tom chuckled at his daughter’s caustic glare, “One of these days she’ll learn to appreciate her old man’s jokes.”   
Adrien laughed, enjoying the playful banter between father and daughter. Marinette grumbled, “He’s gonna subject us to puns all day today, I can feel it in my bones.” 

“I don’t mind at all!” Adrien chirped, “Scone be fun!” 

Marinette was flabbergasted, and Tom let out a howl of laughter, clapping a hand to the boy’s shoulder. Adrien grinned widely at Marinette’s father, and allowed his stare to fall on his classmate. She stood with her arms crossed, an exasperated expression on her face. 

“Not you too,” Marinette sighed.

Adrien had seen this look before, but he couldn’t recall when or where. However, he did know that the girl was unimpressed with him and her father. More laughter bubbled to his lips, and he joined Tom. 

“Oh, I like this one!” Tom said, “He’s fun. You should bring him around more.” 

Adrien saw Marinette’s lips curl into a gentle smile. Her bluebell eyes sparkled fondly at him, and for a moment, Adrien felt like a deer caught in the headlights. Warmth flooded to his cheeks under the weight of Marinette’s gaze. 

“—well!” Marinette chimed in, tearing her eyes from Adrien, “We really need to get going and start on the project. We’ll be upstairs if you need us.”

“Just call if you knead us!” Tom yelled after the two as the ascended the stairs. Adrien snickered behind his hand, and Marinette waved her father off.

“That’s the same joke!” she hollered before she and Adrien reached her trap door, “We don’t recycle bad puns under this roof!” Adrien could hear Tom’s roars of laughter just starting up as Marinette gently closed her door. She turned towards Adrien, eyeing him with an incredulous stare. It reminded him so much of his Lady, who shot him the same look whenever he delivered his own jokes. He smiled, not at all sorry for his transgressions.

“Scone be fun?” she repeated. 

“Scone be fun!” he confirmed. 

“I didn’t take you for the punning type,” she remarked. 

“I am full of surprises, Marinette,” Adrien replied. “Just never had the opportunity to declare my love for well-timed puns.” 

Marinette cocked a brow, before shaking her head in amusement, smiling softly as if she’d discovered something precious. Something dark shifted in the corner of Adrien’s eye, and he turned, gasping at his newest discovery. 

“Who is this?!” Adrien asked. 

A little black kitten sat on Marinette’s work table underneath her loft, the precious little thing’s jet black fur standing out against the soft pinks that covered Marinette’s bedroom. He sported a red and black polka-dotted collar with the tiniest bell attached. 

The kitten blinked, his emerald green stare observing Adrien. 

“Kitty!” Marinette called. 

The kitten let out a whiny meow, and hopped onto the ground, maneuvering around Adrien and heading towards his owner. She scooped him up into her arms and dropped a kiss on top of his head. He snuggled into her, peeking up at Adrien from the safety of Marinette’s arms.

“You have a cat?” Adrien asked. 

“Yeah, I just adopted him,” Marinette replied, stroking the kitten’s fur affectionately, “I met him at the cat café around the corner. Apparently, I was the only customer he’d ever go near, so I just decided to take him home.” 

“He’s so cute,” Adrien cooed, stepping closer to Marinette. “What’s his name?” 

To his surprise, Marinette’s cheeks warmed to a lovely shade of pink. Embarrassed, she looked away from Adrien, biting her bottom lip. 

“O…Oh, I…I just call him Kitty…” she mumbled shyly. She nuzzled the kitten, starting down at him with a softness Adrien hadn’t seen before. 

He felt his chest tighten the slightest bit. 

What was even going on? Adrien thought to himself. 

“His name is Kitty?” Adrien asked in an attempt to distract himself. Marinette glanced up at Adrien, shooting him a sly smile. 

“Something like that.” 

Something in her expression told Adrien that she wasn’t telling him the entire truth, but he decided to let it slide. He beamed softly at his classmate and her kitten, who leaned over to sniff at Adrien. 

Adrien offered Kitty an outstretched hand, thrilled when the kitten mewed and rubbed his head against Adrien’s open palm. He gently scratched the kitten behind his ears, similar to what he often did to Plagg.

If Adrien was being perfectly honest, Marinette’s cat actually looked a bit like Plagg. With his midnight black fur and iridescent green eyes, it wouldn’t be a surprise to Adrien if the cat wound up liking camembert. 

He snorted in amusement. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Kitty,” Adrien said, “I hope you don’t mind me taking some of your maman’s time for a bit. It’s very pawsible you’ll be seeing me often from meow on—I’m sure we’ll be clawsome furends!”

Adrien couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled to his lips when he saw Marinette’s downright disrespected expression. 

“I cannot believe you!”

“I had to!” 

Adrien decided that he quite liked spending time with Marinette, even if she scowled at his puns. Though his schedule had prevented him from getting to know his classmate better in the past, he was glad that he was finally given the opportunity to become better friends with Marinette. 

“Let’s get started!” Adrien announced, clapping his hands together. “Where do you want me, Marinette?” 

“Hm?” she was setting Kitty in his kennel, “Oh, you can sit at the work station over there in front of the computer. I’m just gonna get him settled down.” 

“Okay!” Marinette’s work desk was covered in a wide variety of completed and uncompleted projects. Colorful fabrics and threads lay to the side in a vibrant heap. Stacks of Mode magazines were neatly piled onto one side of Marinette’s computer, right in front of the bulletin board of sketches that were pinned to her walls. 

Adrien noted quite a few photographs of Marinette and their friends were also featured throughout the board. His gazes zipped from each photograph, taking note of those who appeared in more than one image, mainly Alya, Kitty Section, and her family. He couldn’t help but notice—with disappointment—that he wasn’t in any of the photos. 

He frowned, trying to recall a time that he and Marinette pose for a photo, just the two of them. 

Quickly opening his Instagram page, Adrien scrolled down his feed, shocked to discover that there wasn’t a single photo the model had taken with his friend. 

It shouldn’t be a big deal, Adrien tried reasoning with himself, but deep down, he knew that he was shocked by this recent realization. 

Wasn’t Marinette his good friend?

Don’t good friends take tons of pictures together? He had countless images with Nino, Chloe, and Kagami. Adrien wasn’t entirely sure what to think, all he knew was that it bothered him. He wasn’t able to dwell on the matter more though, as Marinette plopped down in the chair next to him, let out an exhale. 

“Sorry for the mess!” she said, “I was hit with the need to design stuff this morning and summoned a tornado before I realized it.” 

She ran a hand through her hair, smiling sheepishly and banishing the negative feelings from the back of Adrien’s mind. Something in Adrien warmed at the sight of Marinette relaxing and smiling. 

He gestured to the designs on her board, “Did you make all of these yourself?” 

She nodded, “They’re all preliminary sketches, so they aren’t nearly as polished as I’d like—”

“These designs are awesome, Marinette!” Adrien exclaimed. He carefully observed each page, impressed by the world his partner had done. Marinette blushed, and bit her lip. 

“They aren’t perfect,” she admitted shyly, “But I am satisfied with how they’re coming along.”

Adrien stared at Marinette curiously.   
There goes that word again. Perfect. Adrien’s previously playful mood dissipated, replaced with the familiar fear that gnawed away at him day by day. He hated it, feeling this way. Was there going to be a day where he wasn’t pressured to be perfect? He wondered how Marinette was able to navigate such a loaded word. 

He frowned. 

Marinette tilted her head, “What’s wrong?” 

He hesitated, unsure if this was something he wanted to talk about. He was just beginning to have fun with Marinette, and his stupid hang up a word was going to ruin the mood. 

“Adrien.”

Marinette’s voice, now soft and gentle, shook him out of his reverie. Adrien met her gaze, startled at how blue they were. They revealed exhaustion, concern and another emotion Adrien couldn’t quite place. 

“You can tell me,” Marinette informed him. “You’re okay to say whatever you want here.” 

She was giving him a lifeline. 

She was giving him the chance to open up to her. 

Could he, after spending the past year burying problem after problem after problem? He hadn’t even been able to bare all of his heart to Ladybug, though he was planning on doing it once he saw her again. 

Adrien bit his lip nervously. 

It’s now or never, he thought to himself. 

“…would…” Adrien paused, allowing the words to form in his head. He clenched his fist on the tablet, digging his nails into the palm of his hand. 

How was this so hard? 

This was the first time he was entrusting someone with this kind of information. This was the first time all of this was coming out of his mouth. 

To Marinette’s credit, she did not push him. Instead, with a confidence that Adrien had seen countless times before, Marinette boldly reached over to place her hand over his clenched fist. Adrien closed his eyes, focusing on the warmth of Marinette’s palm. 

He took a deep breath before turning back to Marinette. 

“…would you consider yourself a perfectionist, Marinette?” 

“Absolutely,” Marinette replied without missing a beat. She paused, observing her creations pensively for a moment before adding, “But I’m trying to give myself a break every now and then.” 

“What made you do that?” he asked quietly. 

Marinette shrugged. 

“Perfection is overrated. It’s impossible. Recently, I’ve been learning that it’s just better to accept strengths and weaknesses as they are,” she answered, “Imperfection isn’t bad. It’s just something that makes us all a little different. It’s something we all have to learn to accept.” 

Marinette spoke gently, but with clarity. She was looking directly at Adrien, her bluebell eyes boring into Adrien’s. Her face relaxed, the fatigue that had seemed to follow her everywhere for the past few weeks apparent in her expression now. He could see it clearly. 

Adrien realized with a start that he’d seen that look before. 

It was the very look that haunted his dreams. The memory of the bright blue stare of another dark-haired girl in Adrien’s life filled his mind. 

His shoulders slumped. 

“How’s that part going for you?” Adrien whispered. “Accepting that perfection is impossible?” 

Marinette hummed, finally pulling away from Adrien. He noted just had cold his hand felt without hers the moment she sat back in her chair. 

“I’m working on it,” she answered truthfully, “It’s an ongoing fight, but I’m sure this is the right thing for me.”

“And how do you know when you’ve done the right thing for yourself?”

A small smile curled up on Marinette’s face.

“You don’t. It’s a leap of faith, but luckily, I have this to give me luck.” Marinette lifted her wrist, revealing the orange and blue charm Adrien had given her on her birthday. 

She pushed away from the table, declaring that she was going to fetch snacks for the two of them, leaving Adrien to his thoughts. 

Adrien allowed Marinette’s works to sink in, for once feeling validated and thankful that he’d trusted Marinette enough to confide in her. For the umpteenth time since meeting her, Adrien thanked the universe that he had a friend like Marinette Dupain-Cheng. 

He appreciated her cleverness, her kindness, her creativeness—he just appreciated Marinette and he wanted to spend more time with his friend. She made him feel better about himself. She made him feel like he could do anything. 

If Adrien was being perfectly honest, she made him feel like he was with Ladybug. 

He missed her terribly and, after their fight, he wanted nothing more than to make up with his Lady and do his best to be a better friend and partner. He’d already resolved to do that with Marinette, he just needed to find Ladybug now. He wanted to be better for them.

Adrien realized, with a start, that he also wanted to be better for himself. He wanted to chase after the things he wanted without being manipulated or jerked around in another direction. 

“Food’s here, Adrien!” Marinette declared, emerging into the room with a tray full of goodies. “I know your father keeps you on a diet, so we have a variety of healthy stuff, and other treats, if you want to be a criminal with me.” 

All I need to do is take a leap of faith, Adrien thought to himself. Accept that I am myself, and that’s okay. 

Marinette grabbed a cookie and began munching on the treat, gesturing for Adrien to join her. 

He reached over and snagged a cookie from the pile, taking a deliberate bite from the dessert. 

“I guess we’re gonna be criminals together then,” Adrien joked, automatically holding his fist out for Marinette. 

She wasted no time pressing her fist to Adrien’s.


	9. Feel a Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why are all these sad boys showing up at Marinette's? Marinette has a heart to heart with a stray cat.

"This is my _absolute _favorite Mandopop group," Marinette pulled up the umpteenth music video onto her screen. "My cousin Bridgette showed it to me when she visited Paris last year."

"_Ooh_…" Adrien enthused, "I really like the electro swing they're going for. And their _outfits_! Wow!"

"I know right?" Marinette agreed, "This group's costumes have been designed by one of the _best _fashion designers in China."

Adrien leaned close to the screen, his third pain au chocolat in hand. Marinette noted that her crush had relaxed significantly throughout his visit to her home. She's learned so many new things about her friend, finding absolutely _no _luck in calming down her racing heart.

Contrary to popular belief, Adrien Agreste was just a normal boy.

Just like Marinette.

He has his own fears and insecurities, and he chose to show Marinette a little bit of his heart. It completely dispelled the former imagine Marinette had held of the model, instead replaced with someone who Marinette could actually see herself becoming close friends to. She wasn't exactly sure how it happened in such a short time span, but there was something about Adrien that drew Marinette in.

It was more than his good looks, more than his kindness, more than his gentleness—

"Kitty, that's dangerous! Come here!" Adrien scooped Marinette's kitten into his arms, rocking him as if he were rocking a baby, "I can just tell you're going to be a _clawful_, aren't you?"

Marinette felt like she was in the company of someone who made her feel safe. There, making _terrible _puns while holding a little black kitten with bright green eyes, Marinette was reminded of the one person in the world who she trusted more than anything.

Her heart throbbed, longing for another black cat who she hadn't seen in days.

Perhaps that's why she found herself inching towards Adrien with every passing moment. He reminded her so much of her kitty cat. When Adrien turned towards Marinette, grinning bigger than she'd ever seen him, she felt her heart swell with fondness for the boy.

She fought the urge to slap her forehead in frustration. She was supposed to be getting _over _Adrien, not _adoring him _while _missing _Chat Noir! _And besides, what happened to Kagami? Kagami, your friend? Remember her? _Marinette ignored the smaller voice in the back of her head that pointed out she hadn't spoken to the girl in a few weeks, but Marinette still wanted to move forward to not hurt the girl.

"Hey Marinette?" Adrien asked, calling her attention away from her current predicament, "Can you send me a playlist of all your Mandopop recommendations? I love _all _these bands."

"Of course," Marinette replied, "I can also give you some drama recommendations, so you can watch those instead of opening a textbook to study."

"That's so smart!" Adrien gasped. He raised Kitty up to his eye level, "Your _maman _is a genius!"

Heat rose to Marinette's cheeks, and she turned away from the two boys, fighting back the affection blossoming in her chest.

She didn't want to cause any problems, especially since she had her own plate to deal with. Her phone rang, drawing her attention away from Adrien and her mewing kitten.

"Hello?"

"_Hey!_" Alya's chipper voice greeted from the other end, "I just had a quick question for you, if that's okay? You busy?"

"I have time for a question," Marinette replied, "Go ahead."

"Do you think Madame Bustier will let me and Lila do our report on the Miraculouses in Tibet?"

Marinette felt her breath leave her all at once. It seemed as if ice cold water had been dumped over her head, and she wasn't at all expecting it. She honestly should've expected this from her curious best friend. Alya and an opportunity to present an expose on the Miraculouses? It was as predictable Lila lying over the most miniscule, _ridiculous _things.

Speaking of which—

"Lila?" Marinette asked, drawing Adrien's attention at once, "Weren't you working with Nathanael?"

"Yeah, but Lila was _really _interested in learning more about the Miraculous, and asked Nathanael and Miss Bustier if it was cool if we could switch."

"…o…oh…" Alya continued to chatter, informing Marinette of her intentions for the project, but Marinette couldn't hear anything else. Alya finding out information about the Miraculouses was one thing, but _Lila _was another.

Lila was an enemy of Ladybug and an ally of Hawkmoth.

She'd willingly assisted him before.

Who knows what dangerous plans Lila had? That kind of information should _not _be easily accessible for civilians. Marinette would have to talk to Tikki and Wayzz about Alya.

"So, what do you think, Marinette?" Alya asked. Marinette's eyes flew over to Adrien, who was now observing her with a worried look on his face. He mouthed 'is everything okay?' to her. She was sure that she was as pale as a ghost at this point, but couldn't find it in herself to tell Adrien that _No. Everything is not okay. This is a disaster!_

Unconvincingly, she nodded, not at all surprised when Adrien raised a brow at her.

"Marinette?"

"I…oh…um…" Marinette stammered, "I mean, maybe?"

"Maybe?"

"I mean…" she wracked her brains, knowing that Alya had her stuck and there really wasn't other option for her. She bit her lip, and thought hard, trying to come up with the easiest solution for her current predicament.

Suddenly, a hand reached out and rested over her clenched fist.

Adrien leaned over, concern shining in his iridescent green eyes.

He squeezed firmly, offering Marinette his support, though he wasn't exactly sure what crisis Marinette was currently going through.

_You can protect the Miraculouses, Marinette. _She reminded herself, _You can do this. You're Ladybug! You're Marinette! It'll be okay._

Taking a deep breath, Marinette spoke softly.

"A…Alya," she said, "Don't you think it would be dangerous to present an entire project on the Miraculouses?"

Adrien gasped in front of Marinette, and Alya hummed thoughtfully.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you had to _dig _for all of that information," Marinette explained, "We're talking magical stuff that's been hidden for _centuries_. If you unleash all that information, Hawkmoth could easily get a hold of it. Ladybug and Chat Noir will be in danger."

"So, you don't think I should do it?"

Marinette took a deep breath.

This was Alya, her best friend. She wasn't going to blow up at her and call her a terrible friend for discouraging her from following her passion right?

_Leap of faith, Marinette._

She exhaled.

"I don't…" Marinette admitted. "I know, it's super interesting stuff! And if anyone can find out about it, it's you! But, we don't know what kind of risk it poses to us. To Ladybug and Chat Noir. We won't know."

She heard someone clear their throat on the other line.

"But Marinette!" Lila Rossi's saccharine voice sounded through Marinette's phone. She winced for a moment, pulling her phone away from her ear. Adrien looked at Marinette quizzically, and she pushed the speaker button so he could hear what was going on.

"Ladybug already gave us her blessing! Remember? I'm her best friend!" Lila chirped enthusiastically.

"Am I on speaker?" Marinette asked incredulously.

"Whoops," Marinette heard a 'beep' and Alya's voice a lot closer to her ear, "Bad habit, I know. But _Marinette_, Lila said Ladybug gave her the green light! We should be good!"

"Alya," Marinette said gently, "Lila also has a condition where she says _anything, _regardless of if it's the truth or not."

She saw a wide smile curl up on Adrien's face, knowing exactly where Marinette was going with this. He shifted, his hand moving from its place over hers. A part of her was disappointed when he moved away, but she chose to ignore it and focus at the task at hand.

"That's right…" Alya gasped, "…so what do you think I should do?"

"Ask Ladybug and Chat Noir if you're still on the fence," Marinette answered easily, knowing full well what the superhero duo would say. "But it has to be _you _that does it."

"Me…gotcha…" Alya sighed, "Man, I hate it when you get logical on me."

"It's okay, you'll get me back one of these days," Marinette laughed, "I'll talk to you later though."

"Okay, talk to you soon," Alya laughed, "And _bye Adrien!_"

Adrien let out a surprised laugh and Marinette squeaked, quickly hitting the 'end' button cutting of Alya's cackles. Marinette slumped in her chair, tossing her phone onto her desk.

"That was _hiss-_terical."

"_Adrien_!"

* * *

"I'll see you tomorrow, Marinette!"

"Bye!"

Marinette waved to Adrien as his bodyguard pulled away from the curb. As soon as the car disappeared down the street, she ran up towards her room, skipping two stairs at a time, before closing her trap door and throwing on the latch. Tikki flew into view, pressing herself against Marinette's cheek happily.

"Tikki, I can't believe I spent the majority of the afternoon with Adrien, _and _I was able to speak with him normally."

"I know! I was there, I saw!"

"_And _I think I was able to protect the Miraculouses from unnecessary attention too!" Marinette added, "This could've been a disaster!"

"But it wasn't!" Tikki chirped, "And you handled it beautifully, Marinette."

"I felt like I was going to die," Marinette admitted. "I'm guessing Alya's gonna have to flag me down soon, right?"

"She'll probably say something the next akuma attack," Tikki remarked. Marinette nodded, and climbed onto her loft, headed for the rooftop terrace.

"I'm gonna get some fresh air," Marinette announced, "Tikki, you look sleepy. You can go to sleep first. I'll be in soon."

Tikki yawned behind one of her paws, "Okay, but don't stay out there too late. It's supposed to be really chilly tonight."

"Okay!" the cool autumn air caressed Marinette's skin, her dark tresses, which she had released from their rubber bands, flowed freely onto her shoulders. Her midnight locks swayed in the wind as a gentle breeze brushed past the girl.

Paris was a vision at night.

Up on Marinette's rooftop terrace, she sat in her own world, high above the evening bustle down below. It wasn't often that she was able to steal a moment to herself where she could just simply be in the moment. She reached out, curling her fingers around the iron railing and closed her eyes, breathing in the evening air.

Marinette felt better than she normally did.

Eyes clothes, Marinette listened to the sounds around her, taking in everything her city had to offer her. She could hear the evening traffic on her street, as well as the faint ringing of the bell on the bakery's front entrance. She could hear the distant chitter chatter of passing pedestrians, unaware of Marinette three stories above them. She could hear the sounds of children laughing, dogs barking, and the occasional police siren.

The faintest whisper on the wind, brushed by Marinette, silencing all other sounds in a split second, and Marinette's eyes snapped open.

"What was that?" she asked herself.

The noise itself wasn't _unpleasant_; however, it came and went as if someone were running past her. It spoke into her ear before disappearing into the night.

Marinette wasn't even entirely sure that it was real.

Before she could really dwell on it, she became distracted by a loud thud, followed by a familiar bell. Her heart slammed into her ribcage as she spun around instantly, greeted by vibrant green eyes, sun-kissed hair, and a Cheshire cat smile.

"If it isn't Marinette!" Chat Noir greeted, tucking his baton behind him. "What are you doing out here all alone, Princess?"

Marinette wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and beg for forgiveness.

She shouldn't have yelled.

She shouldn't have shut him out.

She shouldn't have hurt him.

Marinette found that she missed him terribly. Ladybug missed Chat Noir terribly.

But Marinette wasn't Ladybug right now. Her heart throbbed, wanting to have its way for once, but the more logical part of Marinette's mind insisted that she played her role. She didn't want to think about what Tikki would say if she blew her cover right then and there.

"Oh you know, just getting some fresh air," she answered casually, "But what about you? What are you doing out here?"

"Oh you know," he answered in an identical tone, "just getting some fresh air."

"You don't have patrol with Ladybug?" Marinette prodded, hoping to the Universe that Chat would take the bait and mention her. She walked away from the rail, plopping herself down in one of the pink lounge chairs by the trap door. "Hawkmoth hasn't made any akumas lately though…"

Chat Noir didn't answer for a long beat. The air filled with a tense silence and when Marinette glanced up at her companion, she was shocked to find Chat perched on her railing, his ears drooped over and his tail hanging sadly. His eyes revealed a sadness that she understand very well.

"Chat?" Marinette asked, "What's wrong, Chat?"

"I don't have patrol with Ladybug," Chat replied quietly. "I was out here hoping that she'd show up. Her patrol route normally passes your house, so I just thought…"

Marinette knew she couldn't transform at this moment, though the temptation was strong. She knew the repercussions of a reveal, especially with the threat of Hawkmoth looming over the city. But there was also another part of her that simply wanted to comfort her best friend.

If Ladybug couldn't be there for Chat Noir, then Marinette would make sure she'd fill in without giving too much away. She leaned forward on her lounge chair, shooting her partner a sympathetic glance.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head, "Nah, I don't want to burden you with superhero stuff."

"I don't mind at all!" Marinette insisted, "I can keep a secret!"

Chat knew Marinette. He knew that she was trust worthy. Marinette was banking on the fact that he had worked with her on multiple occasions to accept her offer. After a few moments, he sighed and leapt off the railing, throwing himself onto her other lounge chair.

"Ladybug and I…had a fight…" he shared sadly, "She jumped in between me and a really nasty akuma and took a hit."

Marinette remembered it very well.

She remembered the woman in black, whose ink-dipped fingers reached out to hurt Chat. She remembered throwing herself in front of Chat with images of Chat Blanc flashing over her eyes. She remembered being trapped in her own nightmares, playing vividly in her head until she was able to break free and purify the akuma.

She remembered the look of pure devastation and desperation on Chat Blanc's face as he chased her through Paris' ruins.

Marinette had lived that reality countless times.

She'd only met Chat Blanc once, and he'd visited her in her dreams every night since. She didn't mean to yell at Chat, but she'd rather sacrifice herself if that meant that he didn't get hurt. He meant too much to Marinette.

"…did you get to talk to her about why it happened?" Marinette asked carefully.

"No," Chat sighed, "but I need to. Something's wrong. I _know _it. Ladybug's been different since Chloe Bourgeois was akumatized."

"…" Marinette didn't answer, surprised that Chat was able to sense the change so soon after the guardian switch.

"When the akuma hit Ladybug, I saw what Ladybug was seeing," he admitted quietly, "I don't know how or why, but I _know _that Ladybug is alone. And I know she's been trying to hide it from me."

"Maybe she's trying to protect you?" Marinette offered.

"I don't _need _her to protect me!" Chat cried, "I just want to be there _with _her. Sharing her burden. I know you were Multimouse for an afternoon, but you know how hard it is to wield a Miraculous."

Marinette nodded.

"That isn't something Ladybug should have to do alone," Chat said, "I know I'm not a perfect partner, but I still want to be there with Ladybug."

His eyes blazed as he looked off towards the city, "I want to be a better partner to her because I've made so many mistakes as Chat Noir. I'm not even sure that I deserve to be Ladybug's partner-"

"Chat," Marinette interrupted, alarmed, "You and Ladybug are only human. Nobody expects you to be perfect! Ladybug won't be able to do this without you. And even if you make mistakes, that's _okay_!" Marinette shared Tikki's words of wisdom, "You _will _be the Chat Noir that you want to be."

"How do you know?" Chat questioned, "How do you know that I'll be able to be the partner Ladybug deserves and the superhero Paris needs?"

She sighed, offering the same piece of advice she'd given Adrien that afternoon. The very same piece of advice that she'd been trying to follow as Ladybug.

"You don't," Marinette answered quietly, "it's all a leap of faith. You have to trust that what _you're _doing is what's best."

Chat Noir slumped into his seat, allowing Marinette's words to sink in. It was there, with his blonde hair shining under the full moon and his blazing green eyes standing out in the night, that Marinette was reminded of Adrien Agreste. His demeanor, their conversation, the way he was holding himself.

It reminded her so much of Adrien.

Marinette let out a soft laugh, shaking her head. She wondered if there was something in the water, causing these two boys to run to her for the same advice.

"What is it?" Chat Noir asked.

"Nothing!" Marinette replied, "You just remind me a lot of my friend. I actually told him the same thing I'm telling you _just _this afternoon."

Chat jolted from his seat, sitting up rod straight, "O…Oh?" he said.

"Yeah," Marinette continued, laying against her chair, "he's one of the loveliest people I know, but there was always something…" she furrowed her brows, "…_untouchable _about him. It was almost like he was supposed to keep up this perfect façade for everyone…"

When Chat didn't reply, Marinette continued.

"He told me a little about it today," she added, "it's so lonely. Having all these great expectations imposed on you, especially when you're just trying to figure out what you want in life…"

"You got all that from a conversation?" Chat Noir asked in a hushed tone. He was wide-eyed, hanging onto Marinette's every word.

"Since you've been so open to me about your secrets, Chaton," she said, "I'll tell you something. Can you keep a secret?"

He grinned and gestured to his costume, "It's my job, Princess."

Marinette beamed at Chat Noir, before turning her eyes to the buildings in the distance. Warmth filled her cheeks as she began quietly, "When I first met my friend, there was a misunderstanding and I jumped the gun and judged him pretty harshly. I could say with 100% certainty that I disliked him _immediately_," though the dreaded Gum Incident happened nearly a year ago, she remembered it as if it were yesterday.

"I thought he was trying to stick a piece of gum on my chair, and immediately assumed the worst. That afternoon, he approached me, and admitted that he was actually trying to remove the gum and opened a little bit of his heart to me," she said, "He'd never been to school before, he'd never had the opportunity to make friends before—the entire thing was so _new _to him. It was raining, and he offered me his umbrella," she laughed, remembering the umbrella snapping around her and Adrien's joyous laughter.

That one moment in the rain seemed so long ago.

"Because of his honesty," she finished, turning her eyes down at her hands, "his kindness and his gentleness, I fell in love with him. I guess that is how I was able to piece together how he felt about his situation…I'd been watching him this whole time. It's not hard to tell when someone is hurting or sad, even if they try to cover it up…if you love them, you just know."

She'd never divulged this much information, especially about Adrien. Sure, Alya knew the gist of it, but Marinette doubted that she was ever able to convey to her best friend just how much she _cared _for him.

_And you let him go, too…_

Getting over Adrien was going to be hard, but she figured she'd might as well tell _someone _since he was finally with Kagami.

"…did you tell him?"

Marinette's head snapped over to Chat Noir, "Huh?"

Chat Noir was leaning closer to Marinette now, his eyes revealing an emotion she couldn't quite place. His brows appeared to be furrowed under his mask.

"Your friend," he said quickly, "Did you ever tell him how you felt?"

She smiled sadly, "No, I never had the chance to. "I tried everything though! I knitted him a scarf for his birthday that he thought was from his father," _that he still uses to this day_, "I sent him a Valentine's day card but forgot to sign it," _that I'll probably never hear about again_, "I tried giving him a letter and someone gave him the wrong _note_," she laughed, though it was humorless, "I even told him I loved him in a video message a few weeks ago that got _erased _by his cousin and every time I tried to talk to him…well, it was difficult to get my words out."

Reliving every single thing that went wrong with Adrien was a fresh wound to her heart. She'd convinced Alya that she'd be okay, and she'd convinced herself that she already had too much on her plate to deal with it, but in reality?

"Eventually, I decided to let him go because he seemed happy with another girl."

She wasn't okay at all.

Tears welled in her eyes, and she hastily blinked them back, "I just want Adrien to be happy. That's all I want."

Chat didn't answer.

"Chat?" she asked.

He sat, staring at Marinette blankly.

"Chat, are you okay?" she reached out, brushing her fingers against his arm. She peered up at him to get a better look, and was shocked to find her kitty cat near tears.

"Chat!"

His bottom lip wobbled, "You did all those things for him," he said in a small voice, "and in the end you let him go so he could be happy with someone else?"

She nodded slowly.

"But now you're the one hurting, Marinette."

"It's okay!" she reassured, waving her hands, "My friend isn't as sad and alone as he used to be, and I got to hang out with him today. He's doing what he needs to be doing and so am I—"

"Do you need a hug?" Chat asked abruptly. She could see more tears welling in his eyes and knew that her kitty just wanted to comfort her. Smiling, she walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist, laying her head against his chest. Strong arms wound tightly around Marinette holding her securely to him.

"We'll figure it out, Chaton," Marinette breathed, "It'll be okay."

They embraced under the moonlight for a long moment, enjoying each other's warmth in the chilly autumn air.

"Thank you, Marinette."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read Hard Truths, that was my original plan, but I ditched it for this LOL. I might just post more deleted scenes for this story I had because I have an entire folder of ficlets for this story that never happened.


	10. Against me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth about Marinette throws Adrien into an existential crisis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still shocked I got to chapter 10. The response last chapter was crazy! I'm so sorry I made some of y'all cry LOL.

The moment Adrien called off his transformation, he made a beeline for his closet, searching frantically for the blue scarf. He frantically tossed his clothes around, muttering to himself the entire time. Plagg floated nearby, watching his charm make a mess of the room.

"Kid relax, Pigtails isn't upset with you—" Plagg said.

"—but _I'm _upset with me!" Adrien whirled around, unbidden tears welling up in his eyes, "Marinette's been in love with me for _how long _and I didn't notice?"

It made so much sense.

The blushes, the stuttering, the clumsiness—every single thing Marinette did around Adrien indicated that she had feelings for him. And, of course, he didn't read into it.

"That explains what happened at the wax museum and—" he gasped in horror, "I literally had her _help me _on a date _with_ Kagami at the ice rink!"

How could he have known? He thought she was in love with Luka this entire time!

"I thought it was _Luka_ she loved, not me!" Adrien cried, "She even _told _me that she wasn't interested in me…why would she lie about that?"

"Have you seen the way she acts around you?"

"I _know_, but I thought she was just _shy_ in general?"

"Wow, Adrien," Plagg commented, "You really didn't notice that it was just _you _Marinette was shy around?"

Adrien ignored the kwami, continuing to dig through his closet.

He found Marinette's gift, the lovely sky blue scarf he wore frequently, in the back, delicately folded over a hanger. Carefully unfolding the garment, he brushed his fingers against the material, reveling in its softness.

How many hours did it take Marinette to make this scarf? Did she pull all-nighters? Did she stick her finger by accident?

"This was the only gift I received on my birthday," Adrien said. "Marinette took the time to make this with her own two hands because she…" his cheeks warmed, "…she cares about _me_. And she didn't say anything when I said it was from my father because I was so happy about receiving it!"

He strode into his bedroom, tearing open his desk drawers, fishing out his unsigned Valentine's Day card and the prescription note she handed him before he went to London. Everything was falling in place, and Adrien felt out of breath. Wordlessly, he whipped out his phone, and shot a text to Nino.

**Adrien: **Hey man, do you still have that video everyone made for me? The one my cousin deleted?  
**Nino: **Ya. What's up?  
**Adrien: **Can you resend it? There's something I wanted to check out.  
**Nino: **No prob! Gimme a sec.

The following minutes were agonizing, as Adrien was staring intensely at his phone, waiting for the video file to finish downloading. Plagg observed the teen from his camembert throne nearby.

"Y'know, staring at it isn't going to make the video come faster!"

"I know, but I'm so _nervous_!" Adrien whined, "I find out an hour ago that _Marinette _was in love with me the entire time, and I just…" he hesitated, trying to figure out what he wanted to say.

"You just want to hear it yourself?" Plagg finished. Adrien nodded and the kwami groaned, tossing a chunk of cheese into his mouth, "I don't understand you humans. Cheese is way easier to understand."

Adrien opened his mouth to respond but was immediately distracted by the soft chiming of his phone. He yelped, and grabbed it, swiping open his messages. The video Nino sent was nearly one minute long.

His finger shook over the little "play" icon in the center of the screen.

"What are you waiting for?" Plagg demanded. Adrien bit his lip, his thoughts beginning to accelerate beyond recognition. Yes, what was he waiting for?

To confirm that Marinette was, in fact, head over heels in love with him and he unintentionally stomped over her heart like it was an every day chore?

To see if he was truly as oblivious as he currently believed, and that this whole "relationship" business was a lot tricker than he believed?

To see how he felt once he watched Marinette's video? To verify that he'd jumped into this dance with Kagami before he was actually ready, and that it was coming back to haunt him now that he's realizing that not hesitating might not be the best choice for all situations?

"C'mon Adrien…" he murmured to himself.

He held his breath and hit "play," anxiously watching the video play before him. He's remembered that day quite vividly. After all, it was the anniversary of his mother's disappearance. His Aunt Amelie and cousin Felix showed up unannounced, and Felix had made quite a mess of things.

Adrien still wasn't sure whether or not he forgave his surly cousin all the way.

Clip after clip, he watched as his friends comforted Adrien with kind words, a soft smile on his face. It faded the slightest bit with Chloe appeared on screen, offering her support as well. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered what Chloe would have thought of this whole thing?

Then again, Chloe wasn't the best at building relationships.

He wondered if he'd ever be able to face his childhood friend again, after what happened between them and Ladybug. After all, if he was being quite honest, had it not been for Miracle Queen, Master Fu would have still been around.

Ladybug wouldn't have been guardian.

She would have been getting normal hours of sleep, living a semi-normal life, not worrying about guarding the Miracle box or suffering from panic attacks.

Ladybug wouldn't feel so alone.

"Adrien, I love you—"

"_Ladybug?_" Adrien realized he'd been distracted from the video, and immediately summoned his concentration. Shy bluebell eyes filled his screen. He forgot for a moment that he was looking for Marinette, not Ladybug, but _wow _did they sound so similar to him.

_It wouldn't be the first time that I've mixed them up_, he thought to himself.

He rewound the video and pressed play, right as Marinette began her piece.

"Adrien, I love you," she said with a quiet confidence that sent his heart slamming into his ribcage, "And I'll always be there if you need me."

The video faded to black, and Adrien sat quietly, allowing Marinette's words to wash over him.

She _loved _him. Hearing Marinette Dupain-Cheng admit to Adrien that she was in love with him, and to hear her say those words, opened a part of Adrien that he didn't know existed. Warmth filled his cheeks and butterflies fluttered in his stomach.

"She loves me…" Adrien whispered to himself.

Plagg mercifully remained quiet, observing his charge from nearby.

"She _loves me_," Adrien repeated again, the words feeling less foreign on his tongue. "Plagg, Marinette loves _me."_

He didn't know whether to laugh or cry because he realized two things at the same time:

1.) Marinette Dupain-Cheng was in love with him and had loved him this entire time.

2.) Adrien had unintentionally broken her heart the day he decided to let go of Ladybug and explore his feelings for Kagami.

The butterflies that were there quickly disappeared, replaced with a cold, sinking feeling.

He'd _hurt _Marinette.

More tears sprung to his eyes at the realization.

Cautiously, he wrapped the blue scarf around his neck, burying his nose into the soft material. What else had Marinette done for him secretly? She'd done so many selfless things out of love for him, and he knew absolutely _none _of it!

Marinette sacrificed her _own _happiness for the sake of him and potentially Kagami. He knew how Marinette Dupain-Cheng was; she'd do anything for her friends. She was absolutely capable of breaking her own heart to make her friends happy.

But if Adrien was going to be completely honest with himself?

He wasn't happy.

He still felt alone.

And while Kagami helped to fill that void, he wasn't exactly sure a romantic venture with her was the right way to go about these things.

"This is all my fault," he breathed.

"Adrien, no!" Plagg replied, abandoning his camembert, "It's not like you _knew_ about it."

"I always _knew _there was something about how Marinette acted around me," Adrien admitted sadly, "I just _chose _to ignore it because I was so focused on Ladybug. Somewhere deep down, I _knew_."

Adrien knew that there were people out there who fawned over him. He was a celebrity, it was normal. But to have his good friend harbor affections for him? Only to let it go because she just wanted him to be happy? And to have all this go down right under his nose?

"I wish she'd said something…" Adrien whispered.

"What would you have done?" Plagg asked, "You're already in love with Ladybug, and you're trying to see how you feel about Kagami."

"I know, I know! I just…" he sat on his piano bench and ran his fingers up the keys.

He thought about if had been Marinette instead of Kagami who confessed her feelings to him. How would he have felt? She'd confessed to him before, as Chat Noir, but he rejected her because of his loyalty to Ladybug.

"_And _she confessed to me as Chat Noir too!" Adrien groaned, covering his eyes and leaning forward onto the piano. His elbow banged the keys, the discordant noise echoing in her cavernous bedroom, "I'm a horrible friend."

"Adrien, Marinette was only doing that for _you_," Plagg reasoned, "She just wanted you to be happy!"

Adrien understood that.

He understood and adored Marinette for always thinking about him and for being a far better friend than he felt he deserved.

"I've been as happy as I can be," Adrien agreed, "but…"

Marinette had the right to reserve her own secrets. After all, he had plenty of his own. But if Adrien was going to be honest with himself?

"I wish Marinette had stayed for ice cream."

He thought of how run down and under the weather Marinette had appeared immediately after Chloe's akumatization. He recalled how she spent less time around him and how Alya was always there to drag the girl away when he entered the room.

He remembered how Alya responded when he and Nino proposed that they went on a double date. In _front _of Marinette. Yet another testament to his obliviousness. No wonder Alya looked like she wanted to beat both him and Nino.

Piece after piece fell into place for Adrien and he came to one conclusion.

"Marinette is too good for any of this."

"Adrien…"

"It's true!" he snapped, "How many _months _had she been in love with me? Doing all these things for me to make sure that I was fractionally _less _miserable locked up in this…this—" he gestured wildly around him, "_tower_?! And _I _didn't know about _any of it_!"

He hastily wiped away at a stray tear, and stood from the piano bench, pacing his bedroom.

"I'm so tired of not knowing _anything_!" he said, "How can I be happy _knowing _Marinette's in pain? Because of _me_? Because she wanted to make me happy?"

"What are you trying to say?" Plagg was uncharacteristically calm, staring at Adrien with wide eyes.

Yes, what was he trying to say?

He closed his eyes, filling his mind with thoughts of Marinette. How was he so lucky to have a friend this wonderful?

Sure, Adrien was so happy to have come to school to meet all his other friends, but Marinette was different.

_"I just want Adrien to be happy. That's all I want."_

Marinette was special to him.

She was special in a way that was different from Nino or Chloe or even Kagami.

But _why_?

Adrien wasn't sure of it himself, but he was determined to find out.

"I want to be happy, Plagg," Adrien answered at last, "Truly happy. I want to make my own informed choices that make _me _happy. I want the truth."

He wasn't going to accept half-truths at face value anymore.

* * *

Adrien took a swig of his tea and slumped into his chair. He'd only gotten two hours of rest before Nathalie woke him up for a photoshoot with Lila Rossi at Le Grand Paris. He frowned.

In the past, he'd been more than willing to give the girl the benefit of the doubt, but after going out of her way to hurt Ladybug, and then hurting _Marinette_? Adrien could say with the utmost confidence that he could not stand the company of the liar.

Lila was seated in the chair next to his, her face freshly made up. She smirked at him, her forest green eyes appreciatively eyeing Adrien. He leaned away from her, not wanting to feel her body heat against his skin.

"How's your project going with Marinette?" she asked.

"It's going well," he replied quickly. "We chose China, so we get to ask Marinette's mother about some things."

"How lucky!" Lila gasped, "I wish Alya and I had the same kind of luck. We were going to do a presentation on the Miraculous stones in Tibet, but _Marinette_—" she said her name with a sharpness that put Adrien on edge, "—told Alya that it wouldn't be a great idea."

Adrien knew. After all, he was in the room when that conversation took place, and he 100% agreed with her as well. Who knew what kind of danger they'd all be in if that information was released to the public?

"Well, you guys still have plenty of time," Adrien shrugged, "Miss Bustier just assigned it yesterday—"

"This is just a big part of our grade, and I'd hate for me and Alya's grades to suffer because of something Marinette said," Lila said innocently, "We were _really _looking forward to the project. I even told her that Ladybug gave us her blessing since we're best—"

Adrien fixed Lila with a hard stare, "Lila, you and I _both _know that you and Ladybug are the furthest thing from friends."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Adrien," Lila replied, feigning hurt, "I'm just saying that Ladybug already gave us her permission, and Marinette doesn't believe me. I wonder how Miss Bustier would respond if I told her that Marinette was sabotaging our project?"

"_Stay away from Marinette_," the voice that left Adrien's mouth was less of himself and more of an angry Chat Noir. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to stand in between Lila Rossi and Marinette.

He'd done it before, which was how he got landed in this situation, but knowing what he knew now…those feelings, that need to _protect _her intensified.

He wasn't going to let anyone hurt his friend.

To Lila's credit, she didn't react to Adrien's hostile response, instead shaking her head and standing from her chair.

"Oh my! I must have touched a nerve," Lila turned her back on Adrien, "I think I'll go see how the setup is going."

She moved to leave, but stopped abruptly, looking over her shoulder. Lila shot Adrien a sly look before saying, "You know, you might want to be careful about that temper of yours. Your girlfriend might get the wrong idea about you and Marinette."

With scoff, she flounced away, leaving Adrien alone in his chair.

He gritted his teeth. That _Lila_! He didn't know how Marinette was able to deal with her in school, but now that she was causing problems for him as well, he supposed he didn't blame Marinette for wanting to expose the liar as soon as possible.

She was absolutely ridiculous.

Annoyed, Adrien pulled out his lucky charm, counting the beads repeatedly to calm himself. He ran his fingers along the smooth green and pink beads, rolling each bead between his fingers before moving onto the next one.

This was probably the best gift he had received from Marinette.

A gentle knock at the door caught Adrien's attention, and he turned towards the sound. Kagami leaned on the door frame, beaming softly at Adrien. He waved in greeting.

"What are you doing here?"

"My mother had an appointment with Nathalie," she shrugged, "I guess it was important enough to cancel my morning fencing lesson; I got to sleep in for a bit."

"Lucky," he huffed, sinking lower into his chair, "I've been here for two hours already."

"I heard," she replied, "Passed by that girl you model with now. Lila?"

"Oh yeah," Adrien grumbled, holding his charm up to his nose, continuing to run his fingers along the beads, "new campaign. It was all my father's idea."

Kagami's eyes followed the movement, focusing immediately on the charm. She tilted her head, "What's that?"

Adrien held up the charm, "This?"

She nodded.

For a moment, Adrien hesitated, unsure of how to answer her. _Oh, you know, Marinette? My friend Marinette who was apparently in love with me and broke her own heart so I could _court _you? Marinette? Our everyday Ladybug, your friend who you get orange juice with?_

_Marinette, my very good friend?_

Adrien didn't want to lay this all out on Kagami. It wasn't her fault, and to be frank, he couldn't expose Marinette's secrets like that when he wasn't supposed to know in the first place. He could feel Plagg underneath his coat, patting his side, offering him his comfort.

_Just tell the truth_.

"Marinette gave it to me a long time ago," he admitted quietly, "It's my lucky charm."

Kagami clicked her tongue, "Well, it can't be that lucky since you're spending your morning with Lila Rossi," she replied, "I'll make you a new one. Hopefully it'll bring you better luck."

Adrien's hands clutched tightly at his charm. He held it protectively against his chest, "It's okay!" he said to Kagami, "This one is special to me…"

Kagami was quiet for a moment, pursing her lips thoughtfully. Adrien appreciated the sentiment, he really did, but he could _not _part ways with Marinette's lucky charm.

She eyed Adrien's charm for what seemed like _hours_ before speaking again, her voice low and calm.

"That girl you were in love with…" Kagami began, "…who was she?"

Adrien clutched Marinette's charm tightly in his fingers, sensing something dangerous in the air. Glancing over at Kagami, he noted the girl's golden brown eyes were sharp, scanning Adrien's face for any kind of answer. He turned towards Kagami all the way now, arms at his side.

"Where is this coming from?" he asked cautiously, "You've never asked me this before…"

"Don't avoid the question," she replied.

"I'm not!" Adrien cried, "I just don't understand where this is all coming from…"

"I simply asked who this girl who you're so hung up on is," Kagami explained sharply, "She clearly doesn't deserve you—" Adrien flinched at the detached way Kagami spoke of Ladybug, "—so why are you wasting your time pining after her?"

"T-That's hardly a fair assessment of her," he stammered, "She's a good person, and the situation is complicated. Was complicated."

"It's only complicated because you aren't allowing yourself to move past it," Kagami countered, stepping forward. Gently, she took hold of Adrien's hand in hers, peering up into his eyes. The sharpness that was there before was replaced with something raw.

Something earnest and honest.

"I'm only telling you this because I care about you, Adrien," Kagami admitted softly. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Kagami…"

"I don't understand, Adrien!" she continued, emotion seeping into her voice, "We have _so _much in common! We spend _so _much time together, and let's be real here, you're the only person my mother will approve of. I'm the only person your father will approve of."

She spoke the truth, and yet somewhere in the back of Adrien's mind, he felt that his soulmate was somewhere else. He couldn't quite explain it, but he _knew _that there was a great love story in store for him.

It just wasn't with Kagami Tsurugi, regardless of what their situation said.

It wasn't very long ago that he'd been getting ice cream with Kagami, blissfully unaware of everything around him. She was still one of the most wonderful people he'd ever met, but the thought of being with her in a romantic sense, despite what he was being told, now made him feel as if something was wrong.

He wondered for a moment if things would have been any different had he not helped Master Fu that one fateful afternoon. Would he have fallen in love with Kagami? Would he have been able to live his life with her and their parents' approval? Would he have been happy knowing that he ultimately didn't have a choice in the matter in the end?

The charm clutched tightly in his free hand spoke of a different reality that pointed to the one fact that was glaringly obvious.

He wasn't meant to be Kagami's.

Kagami wasn't meant to be his.

"Our lives are set up to run a certain way," Adrien began quietly, "My father has spent years ensuring that I was raised to be the perfect gentleman. The perfect model. The perfect son."

"As has my mother," Kagami agreed.

"Right," he nodded, "but I've realized fairly recently that the standards our parents impose on us is impossible to satisfy. I can't _be _the perfect person I'm expected to be, I can only be myself!"

Adrien thought of Marinette. Sweet, kind, clever, shy, amazing Marinette, who kept loving him even though he kept unintentionally hurting her. Who always thinks of others' happiness first to a self-sacrificing degree. Lovely Marinette, who encouraged him and gave him the strength to take a leap of faith and to claim his own future for himself. To make his own choices.

He thought of Ladybug. Beautiful, brave, brilliant, wonderful Ladybug, who was forced to take on the role of guardian. Would she have lived a normal life otherwise? Instead of having the normal live she deserved, she was saddled with fighting a fight that they had nothing to do with. To reward her for her dedication, she's given a role that rouses her from her sleep in the dead of night, out of breath and almost always in tears. She is forced to safeguard timeless magical jewels that have the ability to rip apart the universe should they end up in the wrong hands.

These two amazing girls making such a powerful impact in Adrien's life, inspiring him to be kinder to himself, and to recognize and live his truth.

He didn't want Kagami to suffer like he was.

"We don't have to live like this, Kagami," Adrien said. "The rules, the lifestyle—_all of it_. Just because a path was laid down before us doesn't mean it's set in stone."

"But we can create our own path together," Kagami argued, stepping closer to Adrien. "You chose _me_, not Marinette—"

Adrien blinked, "Wait, what does Marinette have to do with this?"

"The ice cream man by the river said that our flavors were the ideal combination," she interrupted, "we're meant to be together, Adrien. Why can't you see that?"

Pain was evident in her eyes, and Adrien wanted nothing more than to reach out and take the pain away. But he also knew that telling her what she wanted to hear only prolonged the inevitable.

When he didn't answer, Kagami turned about face and marched away, disappearing down the hall.

"That could've been worse," Plagg commented from Adrien's breast pocket. The teen looked down at his kwami, concerned for Kagami.

"Plagg, what do I do?" Adrien asked, "I didn't want to _hurt _Kagami…"

"You can't do much, kid," Plagg replied casually, "You already said your piece. She needs to figure out what she wants. The best thing you did was to be honest with her."

"You think so?"

"I _know _so," Plagg said sagely, "the most important thing is your happiness. Take it from Pigtails, you can't live your life trying to make others happy."

Adrien lifted Marinette's charm to eye level and ran his thumb along the smooth beads. Hadn't he said he was going to be making his own decisions from now on?

"You're right," he was on his way to reclaim his life and regardless of how it played out, Adrien knew that from here on out, these choices were 100% his and his only.


	11. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette and Tikki have a conversation featuring Resentment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HENLO. Took me 3 months to recalibrate my direction for this fic but I'm finally here lol. Thanks for your support and patience. HMU @ geekbaits on tumblr!

“Is it weird…that I actually feel bad for Chloe, Tikki?”

Marinette threw herself back against her mattress, staring up at her skylight. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, and the teen had spent that majority of the day helping her parents in the bakery. Sabine sent Marinette off on a few deliveries, bringing the girl to the Grand Paris Hotel.

She noted the swarm of journalists that were posted outside its doors, requesting an interview with Mayor Bourgeois about Chloe.

Tikki looked up from her macaron, tilting her head quizzically at her wielder, “What do you mean?”

Marinette reached up, running her hand through her silky tresses absentmindedly.

“I don’t know…I know she helped Hawkmoth steal the boxes, but I can’t help but to feel bad for her, you know? I’ve just been thinking about it.”

Tikki nodded sagely, “You’re a compassionate person, Marinette. So, of course it’s not weird to feel that way.”

“I feel like there’s a but in this,” Marinette added dryly.

“There’s no but here,” Tikki replied, “You feel deeply for people, and as the new guardian you have to look beneath the facades that people put up.” 

“I guess…”

Marinette was still learning to accept her new reality. She was the new guardian, and she lost her mentor because of Hawkmoth. Chloe Bourgeois was just an accessory that Hawkmoth took advantage of to steal the Miracle Box and as a result, her entire life was in tatters. Her father’s reputation had sunken considerably and even her mother’s career had been negatively impacted.

She’d heard from news reports that Chloe and her family were in the midst of an investigation conducted by INTERPOL.

It was an understatement to say that Chloe Bourgeois had fallen on hard times. Marinette couldn’t help but to feel bad for her former bully.

Hand-picked by Hawkmoth to do his bidding for him and manipulated into endangering the lives of her peers and the citizens of Paris.

“What do you feel, Marinette?” Tikki asked quietly.

Marinette furrowed her brows, focusing on the bits of puffy clouds that sailed past her window. What _did _she see? After weeks of feeling as if she were drowning in her every day and superhero responsibilities, Marinette finally had a chance to sit and breathe. She had a moment where she was able to truly allow everything that happened to sink in.

“I feel…” Marinette began, “…like she’s lost, Tikki.”

A quick glance to the table that contained the Miracle Box brought about a pang in Marinette’s chest.

“Marinette?”

“I also feel like she isn’t the only one who is lost.”

Tikki dropped her treat and flew in front of Marinette, her bright blue eyes revealing a sorrow not unlike her wielder’s.

“Oh, Marinette…”

“Tikki, I don’t even know what guardians are supposed to do! All Master Fu did was keep _secrets_! How am I supposed to do a good job at keeping you all safe if I don’t even know where to start?” Marinette threw her arm over her eyes and took a deep breath.

Wielder of the Ladybug Miraculous at 13-years-old.

Guardian of the Miracle Box at 14-years-old.

The Marinette of only a few months ago took her position as Ladybug with pride. After all, she and Chat Noir were the only ones preventing Paris from falling to ruin. The burden was one that she was more than willing to take if that meant she could protect her loved ones.

And now?

Marinette didn’t know what she was doing.

She didn’t know why she was here. She didn’t understand _why _she was chosen for this role and expected to fulfill her duties.

She was just a kid.

She was a child, and she was left with no choice but to support the weight of the world on her shoulders. For weeks she’d accepted her fate without complaint, but there was one glaringly obvious fact that began to bother her.

Nobody had asked her what she wanted.

She was never given a choice. Not in becoming Ladybug and certainly not in becoming the Guardian. And the fact that she was supposed to take this and not share the burden with her partner was what hurt her the most.

How did they expect her to deal with this?

“Marinette?” Tikki asked.

“Is it bad…” Marinette began, “…that I resent Master Fu?”

The kwami didn’t say anything, her silence prompting Marinette to continue, “Firstly, he gives me the Miraculous without any explanation whatsoever, assuming that I would become Ladybug. _Then_, he expects me to keep these secrets from _everyone_. My family, my friends, _Chat Noir_, who should’ve been let in on all this in the first place. _Then, _he expects that I’ll become the new guardian, only to actually pass the title to me _without _telling me what happens if I were to relinquish my title.”

Marinette sat up, angry tears forming in her eyes.

“Marinette, that’s not what Master intended—”

“—how am I supposed to know what he intended, Tikki?!” Marinette interrupted, “Everything is a secret!”

“It’s for yours and Chat’s safety.”

“And look where that got us!” Marinette cried, “I’m alone, without any information, without a mentor, and I can’t tell Chat Noir because of these stupid _rules _that _don’t even work anymore because Hawkmoth knows about the box and has the grimoire!_”

Hot tears began to run down her face, but Marinette didn’t care. The feeling she’d kept locked away and finally bubbled to the surface. She was _angry_. Marinette had never felt so angry before.

She was angry at Hawkmoth, for having served as the catalyst to her entire issue.

She was angry at Master Fu, for expecting so much from her and Chat and not nearly giving her enough of what she needed to be an adequate Ladybug.

She was angry at the Order of the Guardians, for expecting so much from Master Fu as a child.

She was angry at the Miracle box, for coming into her possession.

She was angry at herself, for becoming Ladybug.

She was angry at herself, for not telling Chat Noir every single secret that she knew.

She was angry at herself, for allowing every single minor inconvenience to cause her to spiral out of control.

She was angry at herself, for getting expelled from school because of Lila.

She was angry at herself, for letting all those precious moments with Adrien slip away.

She was angry at herself, for every single petty, jealous, and downright unkind thing she’d ever done.

Marinette was just…angry.

Shallow breaths began to escape her, and the room began to spin. Marinette could hear Tikki speaking, but she didn’t know what she was saying.

She needed to get away.

Marinette needed to leave.

She hastily swiped at her eyes, becoming more frustrated as a fresh wave of tears rolled down her face. Dragging herself up from her bed, Marinette grabbed her purse and jacket, not even checking to see if Tikki flew into her bag before sprinting down the stairs and out the side door of the bakery.

Marinette dashed across the street, her feet carrying her towards the park. Marinette didn’t know what she was thinking, all she knew was that she just needed to disappear for a little bit. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she knew what she was doing was irresponsible and not at all what she normally would’ve done.

But the Marinette of the past didn’t feel like her anymore.

Marinette sprinted through the park, teary eyes still obscuring her vision. The sun was beginning to set, and Marinette could see the shadows of the trees in the park beginning to shift under her feet.

Irrationally, she moved to avoid running across the shadows, her breaths becoming more frenzied and panicked.

Vaguely she could hear her name being called by a familiar voice, but she didn’t reply, instead continuing to run.

“Marinette!” the voice called again, this time louder and with alarm.

Each time her name was called, the voice got closer and closer until a hand wrapped around her arm, pulling her back and spinning her around. Through her tears, Marinette could make out iridescent green eyes peering down at her in concern.

It was Adrien.

“Marinette, are you okay?” he asked, squeezing her arms firmly.

Whatever Marinette meant to say never came out. Instead, a pained wail escaped her lips, and she flung herself at her classmate, wrapping her arms around him tightly. If Adrien was shocked, he didn’t show it, instead hugging Marinette closely to his body, murmuring words of encouragement.

“Marinette, just breathe—”

_Count to four_.

“It’ll be okay, just breathe with me—”

Slowly, her anger faded, leaving Marinette too exhausted to do anything but allow herself to be held by Adrien. She nuzzled her head against his neck, finding his warmth comforting.

“I’m here for you, Marinette.”


	12. golden hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (chops y'all in the neck with this chapter, runs away cackling)

Adrien held Marinette close to his chest, gently rubbing soothing circles on her back. She whimpered, pressing herself closer to the boy. After finishing his photoshoot, Adrien slipped out of the hotel and went a walk. He didn’t expect to find a frantic Marinette sprinting through the park, on the cusp of a panic attack.

The sight looked eerily familiar to the boy, but he shook the feeling, instead choosing to comfort his distressed friend.

“Marinette?” Adrien asked, “Marinette, do you want to sit down somewhere?”

Marinette separated from Adrien, hastily wiping her eyes. Her brows were furrowed, concentrating on his words. Adrien waited patiently, wondering what could be going through her head.

Why was it that, as of late, Marinette always seemed sad whenever he saw her?

_“I just want Adrien to be happy,” Marinette said to Chat Noir, her tearful blue eyes glistening in the moonlight._

Memories of last night flooded to his mind.

His chest panged painfully, his heart thudding loudly, and Adrien realized that he absolutely could not stand it when Marinette shed tears. He couldn’t stand knowing that she was hurting, and he was possibly the cause of it.

Marinette stared at Adrien’s chest, concentrating on the blue scarf he’d wound around his neck that morning.

_Her _blue scarf.

“Marinette?” he asked again.

Marinette’s eyes flickered up towards his, down towards the scarf, and back up to his before she stepped away again, plastering a small smile on her face.

“H…hey, Adrien!” she greeted, acting as if he hadn’t just intercepted Marinette in the midst of a downward spiral, “What are you doing out here? I thought you had a shoot today…”

“It ended early,” Adrien said quickly, “but nevermind that! Marinette, what’s wrong? Do you want to sit somewhere?”

“No, it’s fine…” she answered, looking away. “…It’s nothing, I’ll be o—”

“Marinette, you’re _not _okay,” Adrien interrupted, firmly placing his hands on her shoulder. Normally, he wouldn’t have been so forward, but there’s no way that he’s letting Marinette go around thinking that he didn’t care. 

She looked unsure, but when she failed to respond to Adrien, he took that opportunity to reach down and take her hand.

“Please Marinette,” Adrien begged gently, “I want to help you.”

Teary bluebell eyes peered up into Adrien’s own and Marinette stared closely, almost as if she were looking for an answer. Adrien stayed quiet, keeping her hand firmly in his until she nodded in agreement.

Together, the pair found themselves seated underneath a tree alongside the park’s iron gates. From their spot, they could spot little groups of children screaming with joy and running around the playground. Parents watched on fondly and chatted amongst each other.

Just beyond the gates, Adrien could see Andre handing out ice cream, smiling jovially at each pair that approached his cart. Adrien observed the ice cream vendor until Andre suddenly met his gaze. He could tell the older man watched Adrien and Marinette for a moment before offering Adrien a smile and pushing onwards toward his typical spot on the Seine.

Adrien felt Marinette’s hand shift underneath his, and he brought his attention back to the girl.

Marinette’s eyes were closed, and she was focused on taking deep, cleansing breaths, no doubt a technique meant to calm her nerves. He’d recalled with a wince that Ladybug had used the same methods to help manage her anxiety during the last akuma attack.

“I don’t know where to start…” Marinette began, her quiet voice finally breaking the tense silence between the two.

“If it’s too much,” Adrien suggested, “maybe you can start off with the small stuff?”

“Maybe…” Marinette agreed.

She paused for a moment, almost as if she were planning what she wanted to say, before speaking.

“Have you ever felt like you give too much of yourself away to other people?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“People come to you with their problems,” she explained, “and you always put their needs first, regardless of how it affects you. And you keep doing it over and over and over and over again until there isn’t anything left?”

Adrien knew very well what Marinette was talking about.

His mother was missing and his father was an emotionally distant hermit, constantly piling responsibilities and suffocating expectation on to him.

Adrien accepted it because _Maman is missing and Pere’s just mourning_.

When Adrien wasn’t living his life as the face of his father’s world famous fashion house, making red carpet appearances, or trying to fit in at school as a “normal” child, he was protecting Paris from an unknown terrorist.

Adrien’s ring felt warm against his skin, reminding him of the power that he wielded every waking moment of the day.

Oh, he was painfully aware of what Marinette was saying.

“Yeah,” he whispered, “I do know.”

“I don’t feel like there’s a lot of me left,” Marinette confided to Adrien, “People keep _expecting _things from me, and I’m always the one who has to deliver because I’m Marinette. I’m the one who helps people, no questions asked. I’m the one who people look to for answers. I’m the one who—” she hesitated, trying to piece together her words.

But Adrien knew.

“—who is considered our Everyday Ladybug,” he added.

A small, humorless curled up on Marinette’s face and she nodded, “I’m just tired and I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”

Adrien looked down towards the ground, his eyes trained on his and Marinette’s shadows. He didn’t have to stretch his imagination much to note the physical similarity between Marinette and his partner. Even their shadows were nearly identical.

_We’re not going down that road, _Adrien thought to himself, _Besides, we’ve already seen them together._

What were the odds that Adrien was well-acquainted with two wonderful girls that were so similar? Similar builds, similar creative tendencies, similar ink black pigtails and bright blue eyes—

It was even suspicious to Adrien that both girls were in states of distress around the same time.

Marinette wrapped her arms around her body, drawing Adrien’s attention back to her words. Adrien felt the urge to wrap the girl up in an embrace but ultimately decided against it.

She needed to hear what he had to say next.

“You know,” Adrien began, leaning back against the bench, “somebody very wise told me that despite others’ expectations, the only thing we can be is ourselves…”

A noise that sounded like something close to laughter escaped Marinette’s lips, “I’m not even sure I know who I am at this point.”

“You’re Marinette,” Adrien answered easily.

“Well Marinette isn’t really enough,” she replied glumly.

Adrien didn’t say anything. He reached over to hold one of her hands, enveloping her slender fingers in the warmth of his palm. Startled, Marinette’s head snapped towards Adrien, making direct eye contact with Adrien for the first time.

If Adrien were being perfectly honest, he had no idea what came over him. The moment he spotted Marinette running through the park, tears spilling down her face, an intense sensation surged through his body, leave the boy with a need to protect Marinette. To hear Marinette filled with such doubt…Adrien _needed _Marinette to know this.

“Marinette is _more than enough_,” Adrien told her fiercely.

She looked like she were about to argue before pausing for a moment, allowing Adrien’s words to settle in the back of her mind.

Despite it still being late afternoon, the sun was quickly sinking in the sky, an indicator of the approaching winter months. Children retreated from the nearby playground, clinging onto the arms of their doting parents.

Nobody seemed to notice the two teens sitting closely on the furthest bench.

A cool breeze sailed through the evening air, caressing the back of Adrien’s neck. Next to him, Marinette shivered. Adrien frowned. He didn’t want his friend getting sick from sitting out here for too long.

As if Marinette could read his mind, she waved her hand.

“It’s okay. I’ll be fine,” she reassured.

“No, you aren’t. You’re shivering!” Adrien protested.

Marinette stubbornly remained rooted in her seat, her brows still furrowed in concentration. Adrien waited patiently for Marinette to speak again.

“I can’t exactly explain it.” Marinette began, rubbing her palms together, “Some days, I feel okay. I can design pretty clothes and go to school and have fun with my friends and help out at the bakery like a normal girl. Other days--”

She paused for a moment, collecting her words.

Noticing her twitching fingers, Adrien boldly reached out to hold one hand in his. Her fingers were cool to the touch.

“Other days?” Adrien offered gently.

“Other days,” Marinette repeated, “it feels like I’m drowning, and I can’t swim up to get enough air. Everything’s a sensory overload and it’s all so much that I just shut down.”

The smallest, humorless smile curled on Marinette’s lips, “Drowning is lonely.”

A flash of pain streaked across Marinette’s face and before Adrien could actually register what he was doing, she was already in his arms. He held Marinette closely, squeezing her against his body.

Adrien couldn’t tell if the trembling was coming from her or him.

“Adrien…”

“You don’t have to do any of this alone!” he blurted out, “You aren’t alone! You have your friends, you have your family, you have _me_!”

Adrien didn’t wait for a response.

“Marinette, it’s _okay _to take care of yourself,” he insisted, “It’s _okay _to tell us when you need help. You don’t need to shoulder all this _responsibility_, whatever it is, by yourself.”

He _needed _Marinette to know this.

He felt Marinette shifting in his arms and, for a moment, thought she was separating herself from him. To his relief and surprise, Marinette reached up to grip the fabric of his overshirt, holding on tightly.

“You’re always taking care of other people,” Adrien continued. “Even if _you’re _the one hurting, you always put the needs of others before yourself.”

_Especially for my sake_, Adrien noted sadly.

She allowed the credit for her scarf to go to his father because she thought it’d make him happy to believe his father cared.

She stepped back to allow Kagami to seriously pursue Adrien because she believed that he’d be happy with her friend and couldn’t bear the thought of hurting Kagami.

“Adrien…”

“Marinette, it’s _okay _to not be okay,” he told her, “It’s okay to ask people for help. It’s _okay _to let people take care of you for a change.”

Marinette didn’t always need to be the perfectly helpful and selfless friend all the time.

Adrien just needed her to know that she could be Marinette and it wouldn’t change a thing about how others felt about her.

It certainly didn’t change for Adrien.

After a moment of quietly holding each other, Marinette gently pushed back, still keeping a hold on Adrien. Her face was pink and splotchy and her eyes were red and would most likely be swollen in the morning, but none of that mattered when Marinette gave Adrien a smile.

She’d smiled at him plenty of times before, but this one—

“Thank you, Adrien,” she breathed.

\--this one felt different. 

From Adrien’s many outdoor sunset photoshoots, he’d learned very quickly to put out his absolute best performance. The brief period of time right before twilight, reverently referred to as the golden hour, provided photographers with the most stunning lighting.

Beams of sunlight from the sinking star would produce the most ethereal lighting.

It’d occurred to Adrien in this moment, that the golden hour arrived in Paris and for the first time in his entire career as a model, he was awe-struck by the otherworldly effect it had on people.

When Marinette smiled, her blue bell eyes sparkling joyfully, Adrien’s heart gave a jolt. Marinette was a vision in gold, the light casting a gleaming halo around her ink-black tresses. Her skin seemed to glow radiantly under the sunlight, only enhanced by the striking blue of her eyes.

In a word, Marinette was _beautiful_.

Adrien felt heat rise to his cheeks when it registered that she was smiling so beautifully at _him_.

Oh.

_Oh_.

In that moment, everything seemed to make sense.


End file.
